Friday, August 25, 2006

Step Two: Embrace Caffiene and Buy A Badass Buffer

Okay I think I'm up for some kind of big fat loser award with this kicking the can thing. It's just not working for me. I went through a 2 liter Saturday because I was stressed out and a 2 liter Sunday for the same reason. My reward for this? Gagging on stomach acid thanks to having GERD. The reflux is a royal bitch right now! I did drink over a liter of water each day though so does that even things out any? :D Can't blame a gal for trying can you?

Today's look into our lives is called "Buff Buff Shiny Shiny & Check Out The Mohawk" (available in stores this fall!). The plot includes me and Big B having a day out together Sunday. We spent some time at the mall mostly just looking around and enjoying hanging out. It was fun getting to hang out with my oldest and look at things I never can with Lil Man in tow. My son even stood there while I looked at women's clothing and jewelry. He never would have done that while he was in public school. It was awesome!

I bought some long necklaces with small beads on them from Claire's. I went for the cheapies because I'm trying to get my neck use to wearing necklaces again. I figure if my neck is still too sensitive from nerve damage then I'm not out much money.

While Big B was in the arcade I allowed a short little Israeli man with pretty eyes sucker me into one of those little stands in the middle of the mall aisle. He said "Lady with the pretty eyes can I show you something?". At that point he could have showed me just about anything because after arguing over the cell with Vin, I needed to hear something nice. lol. So he took out this cool little three sided buffer and started buffing one of my finger nails. When he was finished I acted like a kid who just got a shiny new nickle.

Him- "Do you see how chiny jour pritty fingernail ish now? Very pritty like jour eyes right?"

Me- thinking to myself "Ohhhhh shinyyyyyy"

Him- "Looks very nice right?"

Me- to myself again "Prittyyyyyy shinyyyyyyy"

I ask how much for the buffer figuring that since Vin pissed me off and made me feel ill then I'm spending some of his money. Of course, seeing as the guy is a salesman he asks if he can show me something else. Well duh!!! Like I'm leaving now! So he sprays water on my hands over a bowl, puts some scrub into them and tells me to rub my hands all over. Okay I do it and then he puts some sugar scrub in my hand and I keep scrubbing. Rinse off, add lotion, and the conversation turns to...

Him- "Is nice right? Very very soft and leaffs jour hands feeling so young and new. This all from our Dead Sea. You must visit, very beautiful is the Dead Sea".

Me- to myself "Ohhhhhh softtttttttt"

Him- honestly I didn't hear what he was saying but it contained something about buying this, getting that for free, blah blah blah.

Me- "So how much for the buffer?" I just want the damn buffer and I'm not leaving without it!

Him- "It is $15 and just for you I will throw in the cuticle lotion and shhhh just between you and me, I throw in some extra replacement buffing pads but it's our secret right?"

Me- "You bet" and I'm thinking to myself "Who the hell is he kidding? Everyone would get this stuff for free but I love how he's making it sound like I'M the only person who gets this. Just me. Because I have pretty eyes." lol

After that I left feeling better and smiling like some stupid school girl. The first thing I did when I saw Big B was flip him off in the middle of the mall (whaaat? that was the finger the guy had buffed!) while saying "Isn't it shiny? Check that out!". No clue why people were looking at me like I was some horrible person. ;) We then left the mall and headed out to get Big B a much needed haircut.

Big B has been wanting a mohawk for a very long time but Vin is a little anal when it comes to stuff like this. We are just on two different sides when it comes to these kinds of things. Okay so we're like that with just about everything but still. Anyway- Big B wanted a mohawk but the problem is that he is considering getting a work permit and getting a job. A mohawk wouldn't go over too well with a potential boss. So what to do? We ended up making the mohawk long enough that he can comb it down and look respectable (unless he doesn't add gel and then it is FUNNY AS HELL TO LOOK AT!!!) and we also didn't completely shave the sides. We left them about a half inch or less long.

If he decides not to get a job or can't get one then we shave the sides and dye it black or blue. hehe. Did I mention I'm getting my nose pierced? Oh yeah, Vin's going to keel over on me. lol


Anonymous said...

Glad you had a good fay...and a shiny middle you can be sparkly when you flip someone else off...(I have that buffer...I love it)

Slackermommy said...

I wish I was more sarcastic. I'm just a bitch. Your post totally cracked me up. I also spend hubby's money when he pisses me off. He's learning that it is just too expensive to argue with me.

Elderfaery said...

I'm just taking a break from my packing (am living between two place just now and out of boxes) to slurp a coffee and read your latest post. I would like to meet the little nail man..he sounds like therapy. And yes you do have pretty eyes cos I saw the photos:) And sticky patches with the Vin..well, they do have a habit of getting right on our tits (a phrase that means that they can aggravate like nails down a blackboard). When I am really ticked off I rip the last page out of one of his novels and then come into the room smiling sweetly with a satisfied smile. It has to be something pretty major for me to comtemplate this sort of secret revenge (I never tell him), but it is about the only thing that can diffuse an ugly mood. Retail therapy works too. I hope these are healthy things;)

Anonymous said...

...but the common bitch is easy to catch and easy to get over too :oP

Yay for buffed nails! Oo... shiny!

fin said...

The same thing happened to me. And the guy had the longest eyelashes.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for stopping by my place - nice to meet you!

I'm home with the flu so I'm going to spend some time reading your site today...I'm a cancer addict now - the more information, the better.

contemplator said...

Tag, Jo, you're it!