It's Time To Stop The Pain!

Today is National Spank Out Day which means all those opposed to violence against children and spanking in general come together to try to bring an end to the pain being brought to our kids. It's a day we stand up for our children against people like the Pearls (Doc provides the most info hence the link) and say "You are wrong"! By the way, anyone who thinks hitting their children with a piece of plastic tubing is okay needs some serious help. It hurts, I know because I did an experiment last year by trying it on my own arm. Unfortunately that blog is gone but the lesson isn't.

I am a survivor of childhood abuse myself. I was beaten by an ex-stepfather every chance he got. His mother also liked hitting me in the head with a hairbrush and I was slapped in the mouth (not tapped but SLAPPED) by my mother anytime I said something she didn't like. In those days, spanking meant you had to go pick your own "switch" off a bush, peel the bark off it, and then be beat with it. Whenever my mother wasn't looking the sadistic bastard would beat me from shoulders to thighs until he broke the skin. Sometimes it was being hit between the shoulder blades with a 2x4. Of course, then there was always the belt or the electrical tape covered "Big Bertha" aka paddle from hell.

Tell my mom? No thanks, how do you explain your fear and misery to someone who thinks using a belt and special paddle is okay? Besides, he would have just beat both of us more anyway. I hold many things against my mother but I can't blame her for not being strong enough to protect us when she couldn't even protect herself from the man. I do thank her though for finally finding the strength to get us out of there.

I don't hate on people who have spanked (a light tap on the bottom that is) in the past. It's how most of us were brought up and a mistake most of us have made at some point with our own kids. I was pushed to feel like if I didn't "pop" the kids' butts when they were little then I was a bad mother. Even the very few times I did it I was left (and moreso them too) feeling horrible and everytime I even thought about doing it the fear of "Will I become an abuser too?" would haunt me. After a run in (physical) with my own mother I found the strength to parent my kids MY way and everyone else be damned! I'd rather have little heathens than make my kids damaged goods like I am.

If you spank your kids please consider finding an alternative form of discipline. There are so many other less damaging ways to teach our kids right from wrong. The child you hit today may very well become the adult who hits tomorrow and the cycle will continue. As I said, I don't hate and I'm not bashing you for spanking. I'm just asking you as someone who has been there to think about what you're doing.

When a man hits a woman (and vice versa) it's abuse or domestic violence. When an adult hits someone of the same sex it's assault. When a parent hits a child it's discipline. What makes our children worth so much less? Why do we have the right to protection and they don't?

Please don't comment that children who aren't spanked become wild. I have two older children that are great examples of the exact opposite. Children who are not spanked feel safe and they don't grow up to fear objects like belts, tree branches, wooden spoons, hairbrushes, and etc. Children who are not spanked feel respected as human beings. Spanking only teaches children fear and how to become numb to physical and emotional pain.

The problem with our kids today isn't that they don't get "whipped". The problem is we as parents are failing to put them first (I don't mean by not being SAH parents so please don't think that) and the really stupid crap in life second. Would you behave if you felt like Monday Night Football mattered more than eating at the table with you? Would you behave if weekends partying were more important than a snuggle and movie with you? Think about it.

So today, please show your support for National Spank Out Day. Whether it's with a post of your own, displaying a logo or two on your blog, or just telling others around you that there are other choices. If you spank our kids then maybe today would be a good day to start over. Every little bit helps.

As adults we have the ability to choose how we respond. As children they have a right to be protected.

1300, Cross Stitch, & Red Roses

First, I have never and I do mean NEVER hit even 250 visits in a month but so far this month my Statcounter is reporting that there have been over 1300 visitors to this blog! That's One Thousand Three Hundred! Yes, I blocked my own IP so no it's not me visiting all the time. Smartasses!

I have no clue why most of you were here (because I'm really not all that funny. It was the Rasta dog collars wasn't it?) but it's really cool. I'm afraid this time the French didn't contribute but Iraq, the UAE, Italy, Japan, China, Germany, Indonesia, and Ireland did. Me loves me some international lurves! ;) Thank you to everyone who reads this blog for whatever reason.

By the way, have you checked out that pic of Dwayne Johnson in my last post? I have, every single time I get on the net!! Mama like muy mucho! I remember when my two favorite phrases were "Know your role, Jabroni!" and "CandyAss" which leads me to my next subject (like how I did that little lead in?) - my friend Meg has found a way to get me back into doing cross stitch with Subversive Cross Stitch.

Warning- save that one for when the able to read kiddies aren't in the room. ;) Those are some of the most awesome kits I have ever seen! I think they rank right up there with the who-ha coin purses and ja-jina handbags I saw about a year ago. I plan on buying myself this kit and of course this one. I also found two that I think I'm going to make for the older kids. Big B will get his when he turns 18 and I'll put Sis' in her hope chest. *evil grin*

Okay now, Sindy at And To Think tagged me for a meme where you have to write a poem starting with "Roses Are Red". Mushy just isn't my style so I went with something that is... shiny object syndrome and rambling. Enjoy


Roses are red
But how would I know
I can’t even get
My damn Aloe to grow

You know, the roses were pink
On my birthday this year
He bought me two dozen
Thank you, my dear

Speaking of roses
Did you hear Rosie quit?
I'm sure that Ms. Barbara
Is tickled as shit.

My daughter is mad
But what else is new
No, you can't wear that skirt
And I am NOT a shrew!

Okay wait
Where was I at?
Something about roses
I do remember that

Oh yes I was rhyming
About roses being red
And then came all of
That other crap I said

Get back on track, Jo
Just write about the rose
This is not the way to impress them
With your "mastery" of prose

Oh well, I guess that’s what happens
When you have Adult A.D.D
You don’t just get red roses
You also get blah blah ramblings by me.

Sweet Sixteen For WHO?

I'm not thinking there's anything sweet about it! It sucks plain and simple! My oldest child is 16 years old as of 2:41pm EST today. This is so cruel, it truly is. Sixteen years have passed so quickly and now as he is looking towards the finish line (18), I'm trying to think of ways to trip and tackle him so he doesn't cross it! He's looking forward to being an adult and a man. I'm trying to figure out how to get him to play with his Biker Mice From Mars again.

If you've been reading this blog for the last two years then you know that every year on the kids' birthdays I do a special post to them. If you're new, well every year on my kids' birthdays I do a special post to them. Caught up now? Good. Then we will continue...

Dear Precious 16 Year Old Manchild,

Sixteen years ago today I gave birth to a 7lb 8oz baby boy with blue eyes and blonde hair. Such a tiny but beautiful thing. How did you ever get so big? One day you were laying on my chest while The Little Mermaid played on the hospital TV and the next you’re looking eye level with me and growing facial hair. How did this happen? When I wasn't looking you went from being my little baby boy to being an almost man. I feel like I’ve missed so much. I’ve always been here yet at times I really haven’t. I’m very sorry for that.

If I could go back in time I would do so many things differently. I’d have gone to college so I could have given you more and put you in sports. Please know that I always wanted to let you play on every team and do everything your friends did. Even now, I wish I could afford the things I know you would like. I'm sorry that I can't.

I’m sorry I chose such a deadbeat as your donor. Had he been decent you could have still been in activities even if I were broke. I wish I could have chosen a father that you could depend on over the years (biological I mean). Someone you could spend time with and know loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t do a very good job.

If I could go back in time I would spend even more with you and Sis when you were little. I would hide away from the world less and take you two out into it more. Yes, we have lots of wonderful memories but I wish we had so very many more.

I would have used my head more instead of jumping into something that hasn’t really been good for any of us. I would have been a better mother and put you kids first instead of my own insecurities. I hope you know in your heart that Dad (definitely not bio-jerk) is a good man, responsible, and he always makes sure we have the things we truly need. I know he’s not a very good father but I do believe he tries. He’s not wired like we are and where we show love with hugs and words, he shows his with working and making sure we will never go without. Of course, he will pay dearly for giving you his card first this morning instead of letting me be first. I will keep all punishment just to slow torture though, I promise. *wink* Oh well, mine was better than his Ass card though wasn’t it? Just humor me and say “yes mom” okay?

Since my diagnosis, I should have been working my ass off to be a wonderful mother to you kids. Someone you could be proud of and remember fondly…just in case. I’m sorry that I haven’t been. I’m pretty worthless most days I know. I hope you know that I want nothing more than to be able to play football with you, run with you kids, hike mountains without getting sick, and do all the other things you kids like. I’m sorry that instead I spend most days either in pain or sick from adrenal crap. You deserve so much more in a mother. You deserve a wonderful mother because you are a wonderful kid.

Thank you for being such a great big brother to Sis and MonkeyBoy. You are such a huge help to me on the days that my health isn’t all that great. You never hold it against me or hate me for being sick. That means so much to me.

Most of all, thank you for being my son. My world truly changed for the better when you came into it. I’m so glad you are in my life and I am so proud of the man you are becoming. I hope I will be around to see you reach your potential and achieve your dreams. I know that you are going to be fantastic at everything.

Today, on your 16th birthday my wish for you is happiness to last a lifetime, heartfelt love so you never feel alone, hope so you never give up, and a very very long life without anymore cancer.

I will be here as long as I can sweety, but if the day comes too soon that I’m not, please know that you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Thank you for saving my life 16 years ago. Because of you I became a mother and found out what the words "unconditional love" meant.

Eternally,
Mom

Kelly Says I Gotta Get Goals!

A few weeks ago Kelly at kellymentology tagged me for a "Gotta Get Goals" meme. Here are the official rules and it has taken me this long to post because I truly put a lot of thought into this. In the end though, I’m afraid I wasn’t able to do it justice.

The rules state that you list and write about the top goals that you have to achieve so you can truly say you have achieved your wildest dreams. Your best, most exclusive, and over-the-top goals.

I went through the long list of goals I have and realized that only two of them meet that criteria. All of my goals save those two are minor goals. When I was diagnosed all the goals I had set for myself just didn’t seem important anymore. Being a better writer, visiting Italy, and things like that just no longer mattered.

So I’m afraid I only have two simple “gotta’ get” goals to share with you and I hope that is okay. Thank you Kelly for tagging me because it made me do a lot of thinking and that is how I realized that it all boiled down to these two goals…

1) Live long enough to see all three of my children grown. I won’t ask for more than that (but you can bet your ass I’ll grab for it!) and seeing my last child reach adulthood would be a fantastic gift. So that means not cancer, or sickness, or any damn bus is allowed to take me any sooner than 15 years!

2) Do my best to help my children become happy, successful (however that pertains to them), and kind adults. I’ve screwed them up so much over the years that I hope they can forgive me and learn from my mistakes. I want them to be everything I never was- educated, strong, independent, and able to live life in the present and not the past.

I hope I can help my daughter become a strong, independent woman that no man will ever even think of hitting or degrading. I hope I can help her one day look in the mirror and just know she is fantastic!

I want to help my sons become honorable, responsible, and loving men. Men who are great fathers, husbands, and friends. Everything I haven’t been able to give them as children. I want to instill fear in them of their mother if they ever put their hands on a woman or degrade her. I want them to be everything all the men in my life never were and I will do my damndest to make sure that happens.

So those are my two goals. Things like going to college, being published in print, visiting Tuscany… all those seem so dim in comparison. I just want to be here for my children in all the ways they need me and finally, finally make them proud of me too.

As for tagging, well I think you know whether or not you’d want to do this so just leave me a comment if you decide to post your own goals so I can come see them. I would love to write something nice about certain people and tag them but the truth is that I know so many amazing people that I can’t just choose a few of them (or even enough to not make this post a page long. Lol). If I read your blog then I think a lot of you and want to thank you for allowing me to read glimpses of your lives.

Rotten Little Children!

Let me just set the scene for you. It’s almost dinner time and Mom is washing her hands in the kitchen sink before preparing the food. Nothing abnormal about that since she always TRIES to be a good Mommy and teach hygiene even to three little heathens.

Suddenly, the youngest child notices three new “booboos” on Mommy’s fingers. For this story's sake let's just say the Mommy is such a clutz that she can't remember how she even got two of them. The older two of Mommy's children come over to the sink to look with youngest child. It's just some cuts, no big deal and Mom says as much.

What do you think comes next? Genuine concern from her three children? Two teenagers lovingly telling mom that they know cutting onions will make those cuts burn so please, let them make dinner? Someone who can actually reach the bandaids without climbing onto the toilet, then the sink, and then balancing to reach the medicine cabinet offering to fetch a few for Mom?

Yeah right! I don’t call them “heathens” because they’re sweet people! They take after their mother too much for that but even I at least kiss their booboos better. Ingrates!

Instead, here is what Mommy dearest hears…

16yo: Geez, mom what the hell did you cut yourself on THIS time? Dayummmm how'd you get that bruise on your leg?
Mom's reply: Watch your mouth. Now go away. What bruise? Dammit, where did that come from?!

Preteen: Ouch, that sucks Mom. Hey how long before dinner is ready?
Mom's reply: Bite me!

4 year old: Owie Mommy, you okay? Here I’ll kiss them for you. *mwah* Better?
Mom's reply: Do you know that you are my favorite? I know I say I don't have a favorite but I think I will keep you. Would you like your own bedroom AND playroom? Bubby and Sissy's stuff? Oh we'll be giving that to Goodwill.

Currently the oldest two are for sale…CHEAP!! Both have been taught the art of proper camel brushing and should do nicely in the desert. Buy one get one half price even!

The youngest one will continue his reign as "Mommy’s Favorite Because The Older Two Are Weiners" for yet another day. Long Live The King!!

Ohhhhhhh Shinyyyyyyyyyy

Slacker mommy nominated me on Best Blog About Stuff!

Awwwwwww. I bet you Best Blog About Stuff is another name for "People Who Go All ADD On Their Blogs". If so then since Slacker there is in the same category she's definately my kind of people! hehe. Seriously though, what a fun category to be in! Thank you girlie! Now I have a shiny pretty button for my blog (and I voted for you too btw).

While I'm talking about shiny, the post I promised is about A.D.D. which is also known around our house as "Shiny Object Syndrome" (coined by Hubby Guy). I have it, my daughter has it, and I think one of the cats does too but I'm not taking the blame for that one! Unfortunately it seems that MEN2a and cancer were not the only things I passed on to at least one of my children. It couldn't just stay at they got their good looks from me could it? Nooooooo. ;)

So, if you do a search on the web for ADD or ADHD you will mostly find articles and blogs on children or by their parents talking about what life with an ADD/ADHD child is like. This is understandable since children are the largest group diagnosed with it. You don't come across very many blogs talking about adults with it though do you? I'll save you time, I already searched and couldn't find a whole helluva lot. Why is that? Is it because Adult ADDers don't blog? Or is it because they're embarrassed to admit they have it? I wish I knew because for me, being diagnosed was like a switch being turned on and one of the most freeing things to ever happen to me.

I have only recently been diagnosed (yeah, the last two years have been just full of all kinds of fun diagnosis'!) which means I spent most of my life thinking I was just lazy, a loser, unmotivated, a daydreamer, worthless, and stupid. I wondered why I couldn't focus on things for very long even though I truly wanted to. I couldn't understand how I could read through two and three (sometimes more) books a week but I couldn't organize a damn pantry shelf.

There is a huge difference between spending your life thinking the things I listed above about yourself and finding out that some of that stuff you honestly might not have had control over. It wasn't an excuse for me but more like an answer. Instead of feeling powerless I now feel like I have some control over my life and a chance to accomplish some of the goals I've set and previously failed at.

At this point neither myself nor my daughter are on medications for any of this. There are times I feel like I've done her a great injustice but the side effects of some of those drugs are so scary that I would rather have my scatterbrained-talks-too-fast daughter than what might happen on the meds. As for me, I've decided that after 32 years it's time for me to be a guinea pig. I've been doing it for almost three years now for everything else so I might as well do it for something that might actually help me feel some accomplishment in my life. I'll let you know how it goes.

What is the point of this post? Well, this blog is called Life... With Heathens so I figured it was about time to start talking about both of those things. Maybe now some of you who just don't "get" my writing or this blog will understand a little better. Maybe you won't but that's okay too. Maybe another mom or dad will feel more comfortable about having adult add themselves and start talking about it more. I don't know. All I do know is that it would be nice if more of you came out of hiding because knowing someone out there understands you makes things a little less scary. Doesn't it?

It's Been One Of Those Weeks

Have you ever had a week where you just know that you have sucked as a parent? Where you kept telling yourself that you really should be doing this or that with the kids but just can’t seem to make yourself actually do it? No? You are such liar! You know you have!

This past week was my bad parent week. I can’t say it’s my only bad parent week ever but it’s one of the ones that I actually feel bad for. Unfortunately (for everyone else in my house) it happened to coincide with that time of the month when we women became even bigger raging hormonal bitches than usual. Yeah, fun fun fun.

As a bad parent I spent most of the week obsessing over this stupid blog and what I was doing with it instead of partaking in the heathens’ lives. Crap like- Was the blog design okay? Should I sign up for this writing job or that one? Was I screwing up the blog with this “sponsored post” shit? Was what I just wrote funny? Why is this blog called Life With Heathens when I never talk about the little rotters? Should I beg Damn Mud Mask Lady for advice or mark her down as an arch nemesis (just kidding Jenn)? And on and on….

As a hormonal bitch I wrecked havoc on a local glass company, the attorney general’s office, the BBB, two child support caseworkers, and two drivers that pissed me off in town. I think the kids and Hubby Guy were the only ones safe from my wrath this week! Hmmm, how could I have missed bitching at them too? I’m slipping in my old age.

Anyway- on the bad parent end I accomplished only what you see now on this site. No real writing got done for here (don't worry Kelly I am still working on the meme) or the other places I write at and at one point I had a really irritating blog directory icon on the sidebar but I couldn’t stand the creepy little eyeballs so it had to go. I also realized that I hate Alexa and their damn rating system. Download toolbar rank higher. Don't download toolbar...we laugh at you and put you with the other weiners!

On the hormonal bitch side I made the glass guy’s life hell for two straight days (they were suppose to fix a window for us and did a really shitty job then thought they were going to leave it that way! Umm no!), filed a complaint with the attorney general’s consumer protection department against glass guy, and did the same at the BBB. Word to the wise, don’t try to screw me over on a job I ask you to do for me. Even my kids know better than that!

One of the child support workers is safe from my wrath but come Monday the other one better be on a flight out of the country if she knows what is good for her. I’m tired of state child support agencies who work harder to let the deadbeats screw over their kids than they do to help collect child support!

As for the drivers in town, I’m already over it. Once I accepted that the people here are stupid and shouldn’t breathe, breed, or drive… it was all good. Yeah right! A few sarcastic remarks and middle fingers out the van window and then all was right with the world.

At least the kids and I did some homeschooling AND we actually have flowers and veggies growing in our little container garden! Might not seem like a big deal to you but considering that all of us have “black thumbs” it’s pretty damn amazing in this house! Even Hubby Guy is in shock everytime he passes the plants and sees that they are still alive. Now, if only we can make it until the things actually produce some fruit. Anybody wanna place bets?

A Bitch Has GOT To Laugh!

First of all, how do you like the new three column layout? It took me two full days to figure it out but FINALLY here it is. I am so proud of myself and you can bet your ass that I am patting myself on the back constantly! Actually, I'm just really excited that my blonde self figured out how to do it. Take THAT Hubby!!

Okay, on to the good stuff...

I think we should nominate THIS WOMAN as Queen Of The Teenage Moms!! This post is the funniest and most amazing thing I've seen in a long time! Unfortunately, Big B would have been tickled pink to have all those "little condoms" and WE would have found them on everything in the house. Damn kid has grown up with a rotten sarcastic mother and I think he has inherited more than just cancer from me. lol. Crystal, you are my new hero!!

Because of all your love, I was lucky enough to last TWO days at TopMomma! It was alot of fun and I'm glad I did it. I even found out that the person I referred to as "That Damn Mud Mask Lady" (to my kids each time I checked the stats and yelled "That damn mud mask lady is STILL kicking my ass!!) was actually Jenn from Mommy Needs Coffee who I've always thought was one funny chica! Be sure to vote for her...she's the one with the mud mask and curlers. ;) By the way, this confusion cost me alot of votes so make sure that once you get to the TopMomma page you actually click the PICTURE with the mud mask and curlers to actually vote for her. Yeah, that little oopsy made me end up with more referrals than votes! LMAO.

Thank You Planet Cancer! While websurfing last night I came across this awesome list that fits me so perfectly. Now I have new things to say when asked about my U-shaped scar on my neck! :)

Top 10 Responses To Nosy Questions About Scars

1. Never go to Mother's Tattoo Parlor when you're high.
2. You think that's bad, you should see the exit wound.
3. I self-mutilate. Don't you?
4. Those damn flesh-eating bacteria are spreading, slowly but surely.
5. That's where the government put the chip to track my movements.
6. It's the only way to smuggle drugs these days.
7. What scar? What are you talking about? Oh my God! That's HUGE!
8. I had to sell organs to get off the street.
9. I should have listened when Mom said not to scratch that mosquito bite.
10. That's where my Siamese twin was attached.

Oh and by the way... I've realized that by trying to be a "mommy blogger" I've ended up losing the best part of me which is my sarcastic sense of humor so effective immediately I'm going to just be myself. I'm sure I'll lose some readers but hopefully I'll gain some too. If cursing, sarcasm, bitchiness, and a twisted sense of humor bother you... well, it's been real but now it's time to go find another site that shits rainbows. If all that sounds like your kind of blog then enjoy your stay. :)

Speaking of which- remind me to tell you MY shittin' rainbows story.