Sunday, May 04, 2008

If You Cut Me Do I Not Bleed?

Okay so maybe that's not exactly the right way to describe the past month but I'll be damned if it isn't close! Yes, I've been a bad blogger again but I actually have a valid excuse this time. You see, I had surgery on April 15th to remove that lymph node in my neck that was pressing on my artery. That day things went well and I was in and out in no time at all. It's the almost two weeks AFTER the surgery that were pure unadulterated hell!!

I won't bore you with all the details but let's just say I got fucked over by a doctor AGAIN. Well actually a surgeon but who am I to squabble over something like that. *eyeroll* I ended up with a HUGE FUCKING ABSCESS in my neck where they took the lymph node out. The really fun part was that my surgeon looked at my ever swelling neck twice and still told me it was normal despite it being hot to the touch, hard, and growing like a whole other planet on the side of my neck.

The only way I even got proof that something wasn't right was by waking up at 3am on Big B's birthday to my pillow and entire left side of my neck covered in blood and pus (it's okay to say "eww" I did) with a gaping hole where the abscess had busted a few stitches to get out. Yeah, it was great lemme tell ya.

I ended up in Urgent Care where they did an X-ray, took a culture, cleaned the hole out, stuck half of a swab into my neck, packed the hole with gauze, covered half my neck with a gauze bandage, put me on antibiotics plus steroids (as if I needed more of those!), and then got to repeat the 80 mile round trip every day for four more days. Ugh, fuckin' bullshit!!

I am very thankful to Urgent Care though for taking such good care of me and the funny part was that the doctor that saw me the first day was the same one who saw MonkeyBoy when he had his MRSA! She walked into the room, looked at me like she knew me from somewhere, and I told her "Don't worry, I won't hate you and call you a mean doctor". She immediately knew who I was and said she still felt horrible about how traumatized he was. I told her that it was alright that he had actually told me to make sure I got "his" doctor because she would take care of me. LOL

There was a good part to all this though. I am now thankful for the extensive nerve damage in my neck (which is much much worse after this last surgery on the left side) because I couldn't feel any pain from the abscess, couldn't feel them poking or prodding the wound, and I haven't felt them repack it at all. So at least I've been saved some pain for once and that makes me happy.

On Thursday they began sending a nurse out to repack the wound for me because with the limited range of motion I have right now and the return of my vertigo I was deemed not safe to go plowing through society. Damn killjoys! *snicker* I'm very proud to say that over the weekend Big B was the one who packed the wound for me and he did such an awesome job! The nurse showed him how and that boy has been anal as hell about keeping things sterile while he's caring for my wound. Now if only I could get that to carry over to his room I'd be set. *wink*

The abscess is almost healed now and my neck is the size it's suppose to be again. When they did the surgery they cut me lower than they said they would so instead of under my jawline I have a new scar right across the left side of my neck. That bothers me but nothing I can do about it now. People already stare as it is so I guess one more scar doesn't much matter at this point. I just miss that tall beautiful blonde I use to be but I guess this is one way to teach my kids several lessons firsthand...

1- Don't stare at people just because they may look different. It hurts them just the same as if you called them a "freak".

2- Beauty really is only skin deep and no matter how much you alter or scar the outside there is still beauty inside.

3- Never count on looks to get you through life because they can be gone in the blink of an eye.

All this cancer crap has taught them to be more understanding and kind towards people so no matter what I know this is not all in vain. If me being carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey means my kids learn to respect other human beings no matter what they look like then it's worth it. I'll take this one for the team. *smile*


Anonymous said...

To say that I admire you for your strength in such a situation would be an understatement! You seem like an amazing person, and I'm glad you didn't have to feel pain with the abscess. I don't think I would have been able to deal with it, and waking up with my pillow covered in puss and blood... I'm a huge fan of gorey movies, but I don't think that kind of gore coming out of my neck would settle right with me!

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for the compliment Stefanie, I appreciate it greatly.

Yeah, the whole thing was just a wreck and I'm so tired of that. I just wish I could find competent doctors and not have to worry anymore. Unfortunately the chance of that becomes less and less with each year that passes.

I like your site and I look forward to checking it out when I wake up in the morning.

Again, thank you and big hugz to you. :)

*Tanyetta* said...

I hope the healing continues and there won't be any further complications.
Please, keep us updated on your progress.


Meg_L said...

Hey kid, glad to see you back.

Kris said...

Great to hear from you Jo! Although, man, I'm sorry you went through that with your neck. No pain is a good thing, that's for sure. Take care, I'm thinking of you, and thanks for updating us. xoxo

Summer said...

OMG Honey! I'm adding that to the reasons why I distrust doctors. (((HUGS)))

Killlashandra said...

I like your metaphor at the end.
If me being carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey means my kids learn to respect other human beings no matter what they look like then it's worth it.

Nice touch. Goes along completely with your 3 points. Beauty is only skin deep. I can do nothing but agree with that one over and over and over again.

Glad the swelling is down and your son takes his sterile dressing seriously. Good for him. Does he want to be a nurse? There's a shortage you know...I bet you think I'm kidding.

momof3feistykids said...

Jo, I so admire your strength, and I love the way you write. You don't sugar coat the bullshit you go through, yet you manage to make meaning from it. You are very brave, honest and REAL. (((HUGS))) girl. Glad to see you back.

Anonymous said...

First off, I literally almost passed out halfway through your description, Jo. And that's just reading about it. I can't imagine actually going through half, no one quarter of what you're going through.

Second, don't look at our scars as something bad, or ugly or tarnished. Instead, treat them for what they truly are: battle scars. Or more importantly, victory scars. If you're still alive and kicking to show off those marks, then you should be damn proud to have 'em. And if anyone looks at you funny, just clock 'em one.

Crazed Nitwit said...

I believe everything happens for a reason. We might never know the reason, but it's there. Trust me.

Glad you're feeling better and scars only make you more interesting.

Love ya babe. Happy Mommy's Day!!

Elle R. said...

This is perverse sounding probably, but I daydream about my little boy growing up to be as attentive and caring as yours. From what can be gleaned from your writings, with all your trials you still managed an incredible family. I do hope that you don't have to take too many more 'for the team' though..
-with love and good wishes