Word Association, Cancer Sucks, and Funny Stuff

So I was cruising blogs today and came across Crouching Mommy, Dirty Laundry. The very first post had this word association exercise so I figured I would give it a try because it looked fun. The first word is the word given and after that is what came to my mind...

Rising:: sun
Third:: wheel
Disruptive:: kids
Surround:: sound
Distant:: relatives
Suction:: cup
Fried:: tired
Nuggets:: McDonalds
Clip:: cut
San Antonio:: humid as hell!

Okay on to the next fun thing I found. Can you tell I'm bored? Actually I'm burning nervous energy because I'm waiting for my "Bugger Off" response on a writing job. I figured that the worst they could say is "no" so why not at least try.

Oh yeah, for those who care- recent bloodwork has revealed that my calcitonin levels (the cancer marker for medullary thyroid cancer) is back on the rise. This means that anyone who was holding their breath and hoping I somehow got lucky with the surgery and was cured can start breathing again. Not happening. Sorry. I expected it but it still sucks to get proof of it you know? All I ask is for 10 more years with my kids. If I can have that then I'll have to be happy and count my blessings. Everyday is one more day I might not have had with another cancer so I'll take what I can get.

Okay back to the fun stuff. I joined blogexplosion and it's so funny to see the jump in hits to this page. Of course, most of the people from those hits aren't actually reading the blog so it's mostly just a fluff count but still, it makes you feel all im-pot-ant when you look at your statcounter. LOL. I also surfed blogs through there last night and found some really neat ones. Infinitely Pie has a post called A Day In The Life Of God that is HILARIOUS!!! The kids and I were laughing hard after the first "Calls Tom Cruise, hangs up".

I also found out that there are some really messed up people out there, alot of women bitching about how awful their lives are (honestly, the crap was really petty. Think they would want to trade with me? My cancer and short life for their "the dishwasher is broke and the baby is teething"?), some really weird guys who think their views actually matter, and some chic who talks about herself in the third person. LMFAO.

I'll get back to writing about our lives later on. I just thought this was a fun little break and I know I for one needed the laughs and stress relief. ;) Thank you to everyone who wished my kiddo a happy birthday and please be sure to check out his site if you get a chance (Thanks Samuel for the comment to him).

Just Yesterday... Happy Birthday Big B.

Just yesterday I held you for the first time and couldn't believe how small you looked.

Just yesterday you were cruising along the furniture preparing to take your first steps.

Just yesterday you held your baby sister and told me what a pretty baby she was.

Just yesterday you started your first day of Kindergarten and made me let go of your hand before we got to the door of your class.

Just yesterday you loved watching Gargoyles with me in the morning before school.

Just yesterday you were in Junior High and seemed to grow a mustache overnight.

Just yesterday I watched you, as a High School Freshman, get ready for your first dance.

Just yesterday we started homeschooling and I started watching you blossom into the wonderful man I knew you could be.

And just today you are turning fifteen and reminding me that in three more years you will be able to strike out on your own. It sounds so wonderful for you yet I can't help but hide the tears when I think about it. The years have gone by so fast and everything really does feel like just yesterday. So many things I wish I could do over in your life because you deserve the best.

Thank you son for never hating me for my mistakes and thank you for continuing to love me even after you found out it was my genes that gave you cancer and changed your life. I hope that you will always love me and know that I tried. I always tried. Sometimes I made stupid choices but I always thought I was doing the right thing.

I'm sorry you got this disorder from me but I'm not sorry I had you even if I was just 16 at the time. You have changed my life so much and always for the better. Thank you for coming into my life. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Big B and yes I know this means you're old enough for your learner's permit but can we just pretend for a few days that you're not? Mama just wants to watch Gargoyles with you, read books together, and also read your journals I kept one more time so I can go back to just yesterday if only for today.

Lessons “Burned”

Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of taking a four mile hike with my two oldest children on the local Hawktrail. During this time of year the birds come through on their usual migratory path and you can see over 100 daily with the help of binoculars. In the brochure it says that the hike is "difficult" and 1.5 miles one way. That didn't sound so bad. We're tough, we could take it!

Before starting out, we got together our gear (water, my injection kit, extra meds, snacks, phone, etc) and I made extra sure to rub both kids down with plenty of sunscreen. As an afterthought, I haphazardly smeared a little on my own arms, neck, face, and nose. I was feeling pretty smart at this point thinking I was actually prepared and covering all the bases for once (I'm well known for forgetting things constantly).

As we hiked up the mountain we were sure to pace ourselves so we didn’t tire out too quickly (This was our first difficult hike together plus we're just plain out of shape). We were looking forward to making it to the top and seeing some hawks and other raptors. The weather was perfect for a day outside- not too hot and a light breeze to cool us off as we went. This made me wonder if I should have worried about sunburns at all.

It was a hard walk and although we didn’t make it all the way to the top ( well Big B did but Sissy and I stayed a half mile behind wheezing like a dying car motor), we had a lot of fun talking, joking, and encouraging each other along the way. We lunched at this flat little summit and even pretended to get lost so we could feel all cool for finding our way back to the trail. After we finished our hike, I checked the kids and proudly announced that we had made it without anyone getting sunburned. We were tired but everyone was in one piece and feeling pretty proud of ourselves.

Later as I was sitting on the couch trying to relax (more like sore and wanting to die!), I noticed pain on the back of my right shoulder. Sure enough, I had missed a few spots with the sunscreen and now had several small sunburns across my shoulders, forehead, and neck. I had been so worried about the children that I had given very little concern to my own care even though I am the one who burns the worst every year because of my light complexion. My family was so worried about me and felt so sorry for me that they proceeded to all laugh at me as I glared at them and flipped off my husband behind a couch pillow. Mean sarcastic bunch! I'm so proud.

So as we head into sunburn season this year, remember to not only protect the children with high SPF sunscreen but yourself as well. Have someone get all the little spots you can’t reach yourself so you don’t end up with a spotty burn like me. Don't give your family a reason to laugh at you and I won't be held responsible for anyone's husband being hit with a couch pillow.

After all, it’s hard to have fun with your family if you’re too busy recovering from your lessons “burned”.

By the way- feel free to post any great sunburn treatments/remedies you might have in the comments. One lady sent me one that said rub a tomato over the burn. That was a new one to me but one I definately might try in the future.

Support Holocaust Remembrance Week

Last week the children and I watched the movie “Paperclips”. If you’ve never heard of this story please go to their website and read about it. They explain much better than I ever could. I have always been interested in the Holocaust- all aspects of it. For me it has been a lifelong struggle to understand how so much evil can exist and how so many can suffer because of close-minded views and hatred. Each time I read a new story, see a new movie, meet a Holocaust survivor I truly feel a deep pain in my heart. I think this more than anything else has brought me to tears too many times to count. So much lost and for what? What is even sadder is that our world seems to not have learned much of anything from it all. Racism, Anti-Semitism, and Hate still reign supreme in the world today. We dishonor the millions of lives lost each time we refuse to learn and grow.

One thing that stuck with me about the movie (besides the immensity of it all) was the fact that during World War II, Norwegians started wearing paperclips in protest against the Nazi occupation, anti-Semitism, and as a sign of solidarity (since a paperclip’s main purpose is to “bind” things together). The paperclip was also chosen because it was patented by a Norwegian and thus a product of their own country.

So I got to thinking, how could the children and I show our support against the atrocities of the Nazis during World War II? How could we show our pain and sorrow at the knowledge that over 6 MILLION Jews (over 1.5 million were children) were killed by their Nazi oppressors? How could we honor these lives so sadly taken too soon? I had always felt before that there really wasn’t much I could do besides teach my own children about the Holocaust so they in turn could teach future generations. Now I found there was more I could do.

After researching, I found out that there is a Paperclip Campaign that goes on every year. This year it will be during the week of April 23rd according to one site but others are doing it on different weeks throughout the month of April. The idea is to wear a paperclip on your collar or lapel to show your support against racism, prejudice, and hate crimes.

Not only will we join in by wearing paperclips on our collars (for the entire month of April I've decided) but I also plan on taking the children to the local Holocaust Museum, asking the libraries to participate in Holocaust Remembrance Week, and the children and I will also be handing out small cards with paperclips attached to everyone we meet in hopes of spreading awareness.

Let us also not forget the over 5 million homosexuals, Muslims, gypsies, and other victims of the Holocaust. Yes, the Nazis destroyed more than just the Jewish community. They destroyed pretty much anyone in their path. Did you also know that most of Europe AND our own United States was extremely anti-Semitic before, during, and after World War II? It was not just the Nazis who wronged all these people and we need to think about that as well.

I hope that you will join us and I would love to see pictures or posts on other blogs about this. Let’s not forget those who died because their beliefs differed from those who were intolerant to anyone and anything not exactly like them. Let’s honor those who survived the Holocaust and continue to tell about it so we don't forget. Let’s remember that very easily and quickly things can change for the worse. Let’s not forget that EVERYONE has a right to follow their own beliefs whether we share them or not. It’s not about what you believe but that you believe. Hope, faith (both religious and non-religious), and love are truly what gives humanity a chance.

To those who survived the Holocaust- you are forever my heroes. Your strength, forgiveness, and will to live amazes me daily. Bless you for everything that you are.

Below are some websites to check out having to do with the Holocaust. Also please check to see if your local library carries any books on the Holocaust. If not, try requesting that they attain some.

Remember.Org
ISurvived.Org
United States Holocaust Memorial Museum
The Jewish Holocaust Resources
Candles Holocaust Museum

If you know of anymore please post the link in the comments section so I can add it. Thank you.

Ow, Brain Cramp!

I can't for the life of me think of anything interesting to post about. This month is filled with doctors' appointments and BS mostly. I'm suppose to be cleaning while the hubby is at the dollar theatre with the younger two but I can't get my big butt off this chair. lol

Tomorrow I get to go for my wonderful check for cervical cancer. Oh fun! Am I worried? No even though it's very likely they will find cancer. Why? Because at this point in my life what the hell does one more cancer matter? That's honestly how I look at it as odd as that seems. I'm already condemned to spend what is left of my life getting cut open time and time again because of cancer so what is one more form and one more surgery? I think I'm just desensitized to it at this point is all. I'm also going to ask about getting a hysterectomy either way because I'm sick of the pain from endometriosis all the time. I'm done having babies so take the baby factory out and let me get on with my life! Leave me an ovary though because I'll be damned if I'm taking even MORE pills for the rest of my life! lol No preaching about risk of ovary cancer either. I'll take my chances at this point.

After that I get to chaperone the kids' Science Class at the museum. I stink at chaperoning but that was part of the deal and I only have to do it twice so I can't complain much. As soon as that is finished then it's off to the library for crafts. Once we get home, I have to do some school stuff and have Big B do his TA time with Lil Man. I also have to do some work on my book and start planning my children's book. But according to the hubby I don't do anything. Yeah, bite me buddy!

The kids are good, Big B's birthday is coming up next month and thanks to his donor actually paying his support intermittently (and me saving it anytime it comes), it looks like Big B will get a guitar for his birthday. I figure if he ends up not learning to play it like he says then I can always claim it for homeschooling and try to learn how to play it again myself. lol. Yes, once upon a time I played guitar. I quit though because having to restring a right handed guitar for my lefty self was a pain in the ass. Of course, that was back when lefty guitars cost alot more than regular ones. Now the price difference isn't so bad.

Sis wants to take some form of dance but that is on hold until she can do her chores consistantly. We got her a Hope Chest a few weeks ago though and it's cute seeing her windowshop for household items she wants to put in it. When we bring out the Yule and Christmas decorations this December, I will be giving her all the ornaments I've bought for her every year for the last 12 years. She will then keep them in the chest for when she moves out and has her own tree to hang them on. I always wanted a hope chest but my mother never thought enough of me to get one (big shock there I know). I figured it's the least I can do for my only girl and it will create memories and a bond between us that she will have always.

Lil Man wants to be in karate. That one scares me because I have a feeling he will use his powers for evil and try to take over the world! He may be cute but that's just a ploy to throw you off. He's bent on world domination I tell you! :) Other than that he's just a very verbal regular ornery three year old. He's also hit a very lovey stage right now where he constantly tells everyone he loves them. It's so cute! He also is potty-trained!! YAY! We haven't tested it out in public too much but the few times we have he has done wonderfully. He wears a diaper at bedtime still but here resently he has been dry in the mornings so that is the next thing to go. Accidents are very few and far between for him and I'm just so proud! All we did was let him go at his own pace and as he was ready. So much easier than back when I thought I had to push the oldest two to be trained by a certain time.

So that's about it here. All my babies are growing up and I'm feeling old. How did I go from being a young teen mom with the whole world in front of me to an old cancer filled lady having to take things day by day? Father Time is such a weiner!

Happy Birthday To Me... Blah Blah Blah

Who has time for birthdays? I know I sure don't.

First I thought the crappy life, cancer, and disorder were bad karma from another life. I figured I was probably Bonnie (Bonnie and Clyde) in my last life and must pay for it in this one.

Now though I know that this busy hectic life I'm leading now is payback for all the "I wish I just had a life" complaining I use to do! All I had to do to get a life was start homeschooling. Who knew?

I have no time to celebrate my birthday today. This morning I have to take the little guy to his first Rhythm & Movement class, then come home and fix a very quick lunch so I can shoot back out the door to take the older two to their Science Class. While they are in class I have to go to Walgreen's and pick up some prescriptions, then to the dollar store for sand toys for lil man for park days, and then back to pick up the oldest two heathens. THEN it's off to the library to pick up the books I have on hold, home to start some schoolwork that we really do need to get done, make dinner, bathe the monkeyboy, have everyone do their chores, clean the living room, finish up the schoolwork, read to the kids, and then collapse in a heap on the floor.

I will be so damn tired I won't know if I'm 31 or 81, whether it's 10am or 10pm, and I sure as hell won't know if I just got back or if I'm on my way out! The hubby will be sleeping the day away (he works graveyards) while I'm doing all this. I want his job! Especially since if you ask him he will tell you that I don't do anything all day. *eyeroll*

I'm happy I've made it another year so I could enjoy my kids. That is celebration enough don't you think? Sounds pretty great to me.

Oh who am I kidding? Mama's hittin' the wine bottle tonight! Even if it makes me sick (damn medications!) at least I'll have fun getting there! Whose bringing the margaritas and Crown & Coke?

Trying To Lose Weight Sucks!

I turn 31 years old tomorrow and thanks to all the health/cancer bull I think my 85 year old great-grandmother by marriage has more energy than I do. My husband tells me to exercise. My doctor tells me to try exercise. I'm telling THEM to bite me! You have to have energy and not be getting sick constantly in order to exercise there boys. lol Also, my husband is the last person on earth to tell someone else to exercise. ppffftttt

The hubby has lost around 15lbs by doing nothing more than drinking two Red Bulls a day, taking 1000mg of CLA, and walking a few laps around the hangar at work. On one hand I am happy for him. On the other I want to push him off the roof. :D Everyday he comes up to me bragging about how lose his pants are getting and blah blah blah. I try to be a supportive spouse but ohhhh he's pushing it!

In less than 6 months I gained 30lbs thanks to steroids (to replace my adrenal glands not to pump up! lmao) mostly. It was very depressing considering before that I weighed 153lbs at 6' tall. That's a good weight and I had a pretty nice body. Packing on all that weight and not fitting into clothes I had fit into for years despite three pregnancies was just a real downer. Three different doctors have told me that I have next to no chance of losing the weight either. Pass the Zoloft this way would ya? lol

My biggest hangup is soda. I spent most of my life easily consuming a two liter of Wild Cherry Pepsi in a little over a day. I don't eat much so most of my calories came from soda. I would have three full 24oz glasses a day at the very least. More if I was stressed. So I cut out all soda a few weeks ago and started kind of doing what the hubby does. I started drinking one Red Bull a day and taking two 1000mg CLA tablets a day. I'm hoping to start doing exercise once some of my pain issues are taken care of (either doctor care or really good meds. hehe) but for now I just stick with my usual schedule.

I am happy to say that at this point I have lost 3lbs since I started. It's not much but it's something and it's a start right?

I figure if this doesn't work I ditch the hubby and pull an Anna Nicole Smith aka marry some old guy so I can afford lipo. Hey, if she can do it then I sure as hell can too! I'm much better than her though because I don't do drugs so I won't be strung out and I won't blow the money on taking my assistant to female strip clubs for lap dances! I can also cook and come with three darling tax deductions. Anybody have a rich single relative? Anyone?

I'm Lovin' It!

No, not stupid McDonalds. LOL. I'm lovin' all the wonderful blogs I've found lately. The wonderful Ms Meg pointed me to Doc and Missy's blogs which in turn led me to several others and they are all so much fun reading. Real blogs by Real women and not a bunch of fluff and crap!

I honestly think I could sit in a room or on a back porch with these women and have so much fun talking. Many of them are cancer survivors or moms living with cancer. Most are homeschoolers. Several are blunt and sarcastic just like me. One even cleans her house which of course ticks me off (out of pure jealousy mind you) but she makes me laugh too so I forgive her. ;) Bringing beer to the porch is optional. Wine is a must but since all alcohol makes me sick make sure it's the good stuff because I'll be damned if I'm getting sick for Arbor Mist!

Anyway-I just invaded their cozy little circle and instead of verbally beating me over the head they have welcomed me. It's nice as sappy as that sounds. It's nice to not feel alone or feel like I have to hide who I really am (a potty mouthed, opinionated, ranting, sometimes...okay so most times sheeesh... bitch) because these women will understand.

If you haven't checked out the links I have to the side please do. I promise you won't be disapointed. Well unless you're that one thumping wanker who thinks I'm angry at life. Then all the cursing, bitching, and honesty might cause you to need extra time with your Bible. HA!

Speaking of Bibles. Meg, you KNEW I would love this link and I just can't help posting it. If it offends you well sorry. For the record, Praise Hems offend my eyes so now we're even. :p

www.evilbible.com

And speaking of Meg, I conned her into starting a blog of her own. I'm looking forward to seeing what she posts when she gets back mid-month. No pressure Meg. None at all. *evil grin*