Geek Parenting, I'm Doing It Right!

So just this past week we have finally started watching the Doctor Who series around here. I loved the show as a kid in the 80s but for some reason I put off watching the show starting in 2005. Now I wish I had been watching it all along because we're really enjoying it right now.

I have to admit though, everytime I see David Tennant all I can think of is this...

and it's just not attractive! Haha.

Anyway- so I just wanted to share a conversation I had a little while ago with my 10 year old geek boy...

Me- "What do you think of Chris Eccleston as Doctor 9?"

Hyper Heathen- "FANTASTIC!"

(sound of me snorting)

Me- "What do you think of David Tennant as Doctor 10?"

HH- ""EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!"

(short laugh)

Me- "Do you think Matt Smith will be a good Doctor 11 when we get that far?"

HH- "WHO?"

(Laughs and shows him a picture)

HH- "We kill the ones who sparkle for free! Gank him Sammy!"

(laughing until I cry)

When fandoms cross over then Geek Parenting, you're doing it right.

I'm A Neuropathic Nightmare!

I saw the Neurologist and found out after many tests, scans, and pokey needle things that I definitely have Peripheral Neuropathy which we already knew but now I have an updated diagnosis of it for my records. What I wasn't expecting was that when I brought the papers home and looked at them I saw that the doctor had written down, "Small Fiber Neuropathy", "Idiopathic Neuropathy" (which just means no clue what caused it), and "Autonomic Neuropathy".

The thing that bothers me is the Autonomic Neuropathy because it's one that affects your organs and explains why I've been getting dizzy a lot. It seems it is affecting my heart although only very mildly at this point. We aren't sure yet what other organs are being compromised yet and I can't say I'm in a hurry to find out.

I also found out that I have to have an MRI and I'm being referred to a pain clinic because she honestly thinks that at this point I'm going to need pain meds. Not what I wanted to hear but also what I already knew too. I've tried all the medications to try to help with this neuropathy and I've either had bad reactions or there is my Gabapentin which keeps me sane and not wanting to gnaw my limbs off but doesn't actually help pain. I absolutely hate pain medications and will have to mentally become okay with taking them so we will see.

In good news, Hyper Heathen is almost finished with swim lessons for the summer and he has done really well. He has gone off the diving board a few times and swims awesome now. I'm so very proud of him and his progress! I was able to sign him up for all of the sessions so he has spent the entire summer swimming and I think that has helped out a lot.

Big B and Sis are doing alright and plugging along in this shithole we call life. All I can hope is that they are smarter than I was at that age and make the most of their lives. I want the best of everything for them and it's hard once your children become adults because you can't give them that or do it for them. As adults they have to go get it for themselves. Can't help wanting to care for my "babies" no matter how big they get though. Lol.

License Lies, Black Mold, and Growing Up

I got my license renewed today and needless to say, I hate the picture. I tried so hard to have a nice picture but just meh. I look fat and tired which is depressing when I am losing weight. I'm cool with looking tired though cuz I am ALWAYS tired! Lol

We've had a lot of contractors here lately because we found black mold in the wall of our bathroom and had to have it all ripped out. All meaning two entire walls inside and out, the shower, and the tub. Talk about a disaster! To make matters worse, I don't think the contractor is doing the job right so I have a feeling this is going to go south real quick. *sigh*

Big B came over and spent the day today with Hyper Heathen today which was nice because HH misses his brother and sister when they're not here often (both have moved out to their own places). I feel bad for him and know its hard having them grow up without him. Today though Big B played video games with HH and they had fun hanging out.

Speaking of growing up, Hyper Heathen is in pre-puberty! My last baby is growing up and that is unfair as hell. Why do they do this to me? WHY do they torture me so? haha. Seriously though, if I could go back I would treasure their childhoods more and enjoy each day. With the oldest two especially I was so worried about "milestones" and stupid selfish crap that I didn't appreciate the gift I was given at the time. That's the problem though, we can't go back and we don't get a second chance. SUCKS! To make it even worse, Big B turns 20FREAKING2 later this month!

Oh and for the record, I cheated on my eye exam for my license. Lol. I get fitted for glasses tomorrow so I will have them but for today my vision stinks so I would close one eye, read some, then switch eyes. haha. I just didn't want to lose my license right before I get the glasses that correct my vision.

So there is my dirty little secret!

A Whole New View On Things

When Hubby Guy and I first got together (sometime in the first year) we watched the movie Stepmom starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris. It's a sweet movie about the dynamics between the Ex-Wife and the new fiancé of Ed Harris' character. The ex ends up with terminal cancer and realizes that this is the woman who will raise her kids and they become friends. It's more interesting than my description I promise!

Anyway, I remember that the first time we watched it I teared up a little but no real waterworks. It was sad and sweet but at the time cancer was something other people got. This was before I knew my father or about the genetic disorder we have so I figured the worst thing that would happen would be getting diabetes.

Fast forward thirteen years to today when we watched Stepmom again and you would have seen me bawling like a frakkin baby! You see, I realized today that HAVING cancer can even affect how you process and feel about movies you watch. This time I was watching it as a mother who has cancer who has had to face the very real idea of saying goodbye to her kids just like Susan Sarandon's character in the movie.

This time I was asking myself if I have taken enough pictures with my kids. Have I created enough good memories? Have I given them traditions they can pass on? Have I brought them more happiness than sadness during their lives? Was I there for them like they needed?

Maybe it hit me more this time also because I decided on New Year's that I was going to make sure I could answer "yes" to several of those questions plus I want to make sure they don't remember me as their mom who was always sick and had to lay on the couch a lot. I'm actually DOING something about what I leave behind and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good!

No matter what I'm going to be sick. No matter what I'm going to be in pain. No matter what I'm going to have cancer but that doesn't mean I have to give up showing my heathens how to LIVE or how to stay hopeful.

Even Heathens Grow Up

Around the Life With Heathens house things feel "odd" these days. When I started this blog my oldest was 14 years old and all my heathens lived here at home. Fast forward seven years and my oldest, Big B, is now 21 and living with his girlfriend. The sweet teenager is now a man with a job, a life, and a beard I can't fucking stand!

Sis was 11 years old when this blog started and now she's 18 and living on her own with "her gay boyfriend" aka her roommate. Sis is now an amazingly beautiful, sweet, headstrong young woman who has her mother's stubbornness. So much so that sometimes I want to knock some sense into her!

MonkeyBoy is now "Hyper Heathen" and just turned 10 years old the other day. He was a cute little 3 year old when this all started and now he's a tall, extraordinarily intelligent, funny, sarcastic mini version of us all. He's also my last one still being homeschooled which is bittersweet as well. They grow so fast!

It feels wrong in a lot of ways having only one child in this house. I miss the noise of having two teenagers arguing and slamming doors. I miss knowing that all the kids have no choice but to be here on holidays. I miss checking three rooms each night to make sure everyone is tucked in and sleeping soundly. I just miss having all three of my lil heathens around me. Having your kids grow up sucks ass!

But I am proud of who they are becoming. I am proud of the people they are in their hearts because they are all good people. I am proud to be their mother every minute of every day. They will always be my heathens and I will always feel blessed that I got to have a Life With Heathens. ❤

I'm Not Obsessed! Okay Yes I Am...

You know you may have warped your almost 10yo with your Supernatural obsession when:

1) He loves saying "gank" and runs around telling the dog, "GANK 'ER SAMMY!"

2) He tells you running out of salt is NOT what Hunters do!

3) His new fave car is a black '67 Chevy Impala. He has also decided he is going to have one and name it "Baby the Metallicar".

4) He thinks we should all get Protection Symbol Tattoos on our chests.

5) He walks around the house singing "Cry No More" and "Eye of the Tiger" (Complete with leg air guitar).

6) He makes sure everyone knows the radio rules in the car which are "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole".

7) He wants to learn Latin so he can exorcise the demon he is SURE is in his big sister's butt.

8) He tells his father that Dean Winchester is "a sexy piece of man meat" thus leading your husband to ask you if your son likes guys and isn't he too young?

9) He asks if you can redecorate his room starting with painting a Devil's Trap on the ceiling and Angel Sigils on the window.

And last but not least...

10) He is still afraid of normal monsters in the closet but not any monster from Supernatural because as he said when he slipped, "We know how to gank those bitches mom!"

I love this kid!

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

Im backkkkkkkk! The blogging bug has hit me recently and I figure its about damn time I do something about it! So I will set the stage for how this blog is going to go with my first post. If you are easily offended then this blog isn't for you. If you like sarcasm, aren't bothered by a potty mouth that would make Dane Cook cringe, and like to laugh then Hello my friend!

Things A Parent Probably SHOULDN'T Say To Their Kid:

1) "Quit talking and GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!"

2) "Ignore your father, he's an idiot"

3) "Your grandmother is a psychotic whore" (my egg donor)

4) "Don't go in his house, he's probably a fucking pedophile!" (A neighbor)

5) "Tell your father to quit being an asshole, but don't SAY asshole you're not allowed"

6) "That kid ever touches you again punch him in the throat!"

7) "If your AWANAS leader tells you one more time that we should all get baptized, tell her Mommy worships Satan and the only reason she lets you come to AWANAS is because she thinks its a scout troop that allows gays. Nevermind don't say that!"

And last but not least...

"See that kid over there? Don't act like him because he's acting like a douchebag. He's one worth ganking" (Ganking is a word that my 10 year old and I picked up off our favorite show, Supernatural. It means kill on the show but mostly we use it as a way to say they need hushed up).

Real-world Wonder Women

Do you know that television’s Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, left acting for several years to stay home and raise her two children? I mention this because to me, when Ms. Carter stopped “playing” Wonder Woman on TV she then took on the role of a lifetime: Motherhood. That is when she became a real life Wonder Woman.

We moms may not have bulletproof wrist cuffs (can you imagine doing dishes in those?), a magic lasso (though it would come in handy for wild children), or an Invisible Jet (how many carseats could fit in that thing anyway?) but who needs fancy accessories? We moms come specially equipped with many extraordinary superpowers like:

-Magic Kisses: Our magic mommy kisses can heal booboos, vanquish bad dreams, stop tears, and charm grumpy husbands.

-Soft Arms: These amazing arms provide safety from closet monsters, lovingly snuggle many children at once, and one hug can make all sadness in a child’s world just melt away.

-Super Senses: Every mommy comes standard with this awesome power. We can hear mischievous whispers from two rooms away, know a lie the moment it leaves our child's (or husband’s) lips, see through the back of our heads, and we always know who wrote on the wall without ever asking. Nothing gets past our super senses!

As mothers, our powers are endless. While TV’s Wonder Woman did a wonderful job of teaching a generation of girls about strength and self-worth, today’s real life Wonder Women go even further. We are raising the male and female “superheroes” of tomorrow. The future of the world truly rests in our hands.

So Lynda Carter’s character can keep the costume and fancy extras, for us real world Wonder Women they’d just get in the way. From the moment we hear our child’s first cry of life we instantly have everything we’ll ever need. How could a piece of rope top that?

Okay so maybe we really would love one of those bustier’s with the “W’s” on it for date night with the hubby, but that’ll just be our little secret.

What “superpowers” do you possess (or wish you did)?

*I wrote this for DotMom many years ago and just happened to find it again. Since I'm considering blogging once more I thought I would post this while I contemplate.*

Playing Catch Up

So much to catch up on and no clue where to start. Let's see, first I would like to brag that MonkeyBoy is in his first year of Tee-ball where he is having a blast! Watching these little kids run around the bases or trying to hit the ball is just so much fun. His first game is April 14th so I'm both excited and nervous for him.

Oh and you should see their little uniforms!!! TOO CUTE!! Their team is the Pirates making the uniform shirt black with yellow lettering, gray pants, black socks, their hats are black with a yellow "P" on it. He looks so cool when he has the whole thing on. *smile*

The downside to their uniforms is that there will be times they will be playing in almost 100 degree heat so wearing mostly black will not work in their favor during those times. Ugh.

Another fun thing to share is that my oldest is an assistant coach for MonkeyBoy's team so I get to watch both my boys in action at the same time. BigB has so much patience with the kids (and believe me there are some wild ones!) and I'm so proud of him. He takes his time teaching them to catch, throw, and bat without ever losing his cool. I'm so proud of the man he is becoming.

BigB will also be graduating from high school by the end of May then going on to start his college courses. At this point he is leaning towards a degree in metallurgical engineering but obviously he's free to change his mind many times before he has to decide for sure. I'm so sad to see my kids growing up already but so happy that they have turned out to be so smart and completely awesome. I'm very very lucky.

Speaking of BigB, his scumbag donor, Kirk A. Coiner, is now on welfare and personally I am disgusted with the state of Oregon. Here sits a perfectly healthy and able to work male on welfare, getting assistance with housing, food, utilities, and going to college for free (which is something his son doesn't get to do) all while he is not paying a single penny of the $350 a month he's suppose to pay. He now owes almost $30,000 in back child support yet Oregon does nothing. If someone from the Oregon Division of Child Support (Roseburg office) or their welfare department could enlighten me as to why they are allowing this I would be very grateful. I won't hold my breath though don't worry.

Sis is getting ready to start public High School in the fall thus ending her time homeschooling. On one hand I'm sad to see her go but I also think it will be good for her in alot of ways. While still at home though she is finally enjoying reading making her mama a very happy woman. LOL. So far she has torn through the Twilight Series, the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, and a few horror books. I'm glad she is finally enjoying reading and seeing for herself how relaxing yet fun it can be.

Sis is also now in 4-H with my friend, Leah's, teens and really liking it so far. She has missed a few meetings but we're hoping she will be to able to enjoyparticipate in 4-H more soon. Once Sis starts school she plans on joining a few activities there which will probably keep BOTH of us busy and out of trouble. Again, I'm so proud of her and she is such an amazing young woman. I couldn't ask for a more fantastic daughter.

I haven't been up to much really. In November I finally had a hysterectomy which went really well. It was so nice finally having a surgery that went like it was suppose to. We found out after the surgery that I had adenomyosis and if you read that link then I'll say that I was one of the "hot coal" analogy people. Life was miserable and every single time I ate anything at all for over two years I would get sick. It sucked because on top of the pain each month I had to deal with not being able to eat out anywhere for fear of what came afterwards. I also had at least two doctors during that time basically say I was making it all up.

Thankfully though as soon as I had the hysterectomy the "hot coal" symptoms went away and I have enjoyed being normal (at least in that aspect) ever since. It has also been amazing to know that I don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore which was a huge fear of mine since I could pass MEN2a on to any child I have. Now I'm free from both fear and pain which has made me much happier.

On the cancer front I'm just going to bow out for now because it's just not even worth going over. I'm just tired of it all and don't want to play anymore. Sorry.

I am still homeschooling MonkeyBoy who is amazingly smart and tons of fun to teach. He learns from literally everything around him which in turn teaches me more as well. It's been really great having this time with him.

So that's it in a nutshell. Of course there are tons of things I could post about that have happened over the months but I'm sure they are far more interesting to me than they ever would be to anyone reading this blog and I'm still a little bit weird about posting too much about my kids. I'm always more than happy though to say that they are truly a treasure and the light in my life. Obviously they have their times and screw up just like we all do but in the end I have been so lucky to have the kids I do. I wouldn't ask for any other heathens even if I could.

Besides, when your children are basically carbon copies of you it's hard to drop the little cretons off somewhere and NOT have someone return them so I suppose I am just stuck with them. *wink*

Spring Cleaning By Osmosis

As the weather gets nicer by the day, I find myself determined to get some kickass spring cleaning done on this house. I figure we'll go room by room decluttering, scrubbing, and defunkifying every nook and cranny leaving behind a fresh clean house we can all enjoy.

Then reality bitchslaps me upside the head in the form of my oldest two children asking "Spring WHAT?". Cleaning you filthy little heathens.... CLEANING! That's when I realize that my chances of getting help from anyone in this house are pretty much slim to none.

Here is what Spring cleaning sounds like in my house....

Me: Okay this weekend you guys need to clean your bathroom (which you were actually suppose to do yesterday), the downstairs bathroom, fold and put away laundry after I wash and dry it, and I'd appreciate it if you would get the pine needles out from under the tree in the front yard as well.

*half an hour later I am having to search for people and as I open up both teens' bedroom doors...*

Me: "Ummmm Sis are you going to keep up with folding the laundry like I asked? Just wondering since it's backing up downstairs."

Sis: "Oh I was just reading my J-14 magazine so I'll do it later. Isn't Nick Jonas so hawt? Did you know that Ashley Disdale got a nosejob? Oh my gosh what did Miley Cyrus do to her hair? Pete Wentz is sooooooooooooo cute!"

Me: "No, I don't think Nick Jonas is hawt because I'm not a pedochile. Ashley got a nosejob so she could breathe. She had a deviated septum like your father airhead. Who gives a shit what Hannah Montana-Miley did to her hair? Unless she shaved her head and walks backwards now cuz that would be funny! Pete Wentz is fucking ugly and wears more makeup than his skanky looking girlfriend. Go fold clothes because this load has been finished for over 20 minutes now."

Sis: "Gawd Mom, I wasn't actually talking TO you ya know. What's the sense in me folding them if Big B isn't putting them away? Besides, I don't want to go downstairs and then have to come alllllllll the way back up here to fold them. I'm worn out."

Me: "The sense is that it's your damn chore so you worry about you and I'll worry about your brother. ALL the way back up here to fold them? Oh my hell, that's like what? 15 steps? Take plenty of water so you don't dehydrate on the way down. Worn out? What, did walking around Walmart with C looking for eyeliner tucker ya out sweety? Poor thing. *smacking my forehead and wondering if it's too late to trade her in on another cat* Did you do your part of the bathroom yet?"

Sis: "Ummmm you said we had all weekend."

Me: "No I said those were the things I wanted done this weekend not take ALL damn weekend to do them! Go get the clothes and fold them if you don't think the distance will cause injury or blisters to your poor tired feet."

*looking at Big B*

Me: "Have you put away the previous load of laundry yet?"

BB: "No, I was working on my playbook for when BBF and I get into the NFL."

*crickets chirping as I give him a "You fuckin' kiddin' me?" look*

Me: "That's nice dear but how about you come up with a playbook for doing your chores in a timely manner. Hell, I'll even make you a Championship ring for that shit! Do you think you could do your chores and THEN the playbook? Did you do your half of the bathroom yet?"

Big B: "No, you said we had all weekend to do that stuff."

*thump thump thump....which is the sound of me beating my head against the wall*

Me: "I said THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO GET DONE THIS WEEKEND NOT TAKE ALL WEEKEND TO DO IT!!!"

Big B: "Whatever, I'll get to it."

*this is the point where I'm seriously wondering if the almost 17 year old is going to make it to his 18th birthday next year cuz mama's about to lay down a serious chokehold!*

Me: "Okay I know this is shocking to the system considering that we've had the exact same chores and shit every single week for the last eight years but do you guys think that at 17 and 13 years old we could get stuff done in a time from other than at the last minute or not at all?"

Sis: *eyes roll so far back in her head she looks like Linda Blair*

Big B: *giving me that "I can't believe that bitch actually expects me to do something around here. I mean, I don't go to public school OR have a job OR volunteer anywhere so who does she think she is?" look*

Me: Bueller? Bueller? Frye? Frye? Okay well I'm glad we all agreed on this. It's been nice talking to you both. Really, I'm glad we can bond like this. Now get your asses in gear and get shit done or I swear I'll put Dad in charge and go hide in my room!"

Usually this wouldn't be such a big deal but when both of them sat at the table last week watching me play Twister with the washer and dryer as I tried to clean behind both of them, excuse me if I'm a little pissy. Gee, what AM I doing expecting two perfectly able-bodied teenagers to help clean up some of the mess that they help create everyday? The horror of it all.

Anyone happen to know a desert camel trader who is looking for new camel brushers? Worst case they'd probably make okay living step stools to a sheikh.

Any other parents of teens with similiar stories to tell?

Still Alive And Kicking Hiney

I owe an update and hope to have it up by tomorrow. February has been a longgggggg month to say the least. Lots of fun including me almost dying (seriously. no joking there) and the possibility of breast cancer. Yeah, I told ya... good times good times. *smile*

Anyway- the heathens are all doing fine and I'm feeling much better. It seems that the last time I posted I had a sinus infection and bronchitis plus extra. Those are both gone now and we get to focus just on the cancer and upcoming surgeries.

I've missed everyone and thank you to those of you who have loyally read and been checking for posts. It means alot to me. Hopefully I can get back to blogging and commenting again. It's definitely been dull without my blog buddies.

I think the kids are sick of me and wishing I'd blog too. It's amazing how many things your teenagers don't want to talk about. I mean, what's wrong with pointing out that your teen daughter has boobies now or that the name your teen son uses on MySpace makes him sound like a transvestite?? Sheeeesh, no sense of humor I swear. *wink*

Yes, I Cluck Too!

Because I'm a great big chickenshit! My face was hurting again this morning and the idea of going out in the cold to THAT appointment didn't sound like a good idea so I turned off the alarm clock and went back to sleep thus missing my colonoscopy today. *sigh* I feel like a total jerk now. I wasn't having it done for any cancer scares or anything just to see what was going on with my stomach (before the B12 shots) but still. So I basically chickened out no matter what my excuse might be. I'm sorry. :(

I have spent two days out of the last seven in bed past 11am and I just can't figure out what's wrong with me. There are no symptoms that I can use to pinpoint anything specific and doctors honestly don't care about my lack of appetite and nausea since I'm not losing tons of weight (because of the steroids I have to take). Only once I look like a stick will they worry. Until then I just feel exhausted all the time, nauseous all the time, no appetite, of course thanks to the fibro I have that flu ache but it's non-stop too, and I've been getting some horrid migraines quite often. My face hurts because I think I have a wisdom tooth coming in behind a tooth that needs pulled. As these two battle it out I get left with the pain from it. Bitches!

So far the giveaway is off to a great start and it will stay at the top of the page for the duration of the contest for everyone to see. That means you have to remember to scroll down for new posts. Anyway- thanks to the curious girls at AmityMama, this blog is over 200 hits for the day and still climbing. I love you ladies! Do you think you could come back EVERY day like that? ;)

Even though I feel like ass today I decided to take the kids to the store for a few items we need just to get out of the house. With us living out in BFE they are usually stuck here with me and when Mama has been sick for a month... people start getting a little pissy ya know?

So I stopped at the Thrift Store first because I've been wanting to get Big B some funky ties for Christmas. I already have some t-shirts with sayings on them that I got from the department store in Albuquerque but decent ties at a decent price are hard to come by. I found four ties for him at the Thrift Store so I left happy and then we went to Hell-Mart because three of us need some long sleeve shirts for winter. I would have rather gone ANYWHERE else but it's the only store in this podunk town so there ya go.

We picked up what we needed plus some fruit, grabbed the little guy his BookIt! pizza from Pizza Hut, and came home again. Aren't we a wild bunch?! Wooo-weeee! *snort* Sadly, I am exhausted just from that little outing and ready for bed. So that's where I'm off to with the MonkeyBoy but I'm not going to sleep in tomorrow! My house looks like hell and needs cleaned so no matter what I have to get off my duff and work on it!

Or maybe I'll just bribe the kids with money and food to do it for me. Hey, I said MAYBE sheesh!

Have a wonderful night everyone!

Even Bullies "Get" Blogging!

What next? "And my mom gets more hits than yours"? LOL

No I didn't punk out on a post tonight. I posted this because it reminded me of a conversation MonkeyBoy and the Hubs had last night. Stars I love this boy!! Want me to share it with you?

Daddy- "What do you think of this desktop picture, buddy?"

MB- "Why don't you put it on your blog too?"

Daddy- "I don't have a blog, dude"

MB- "Oh, well then how about on your websites or MySpace?"

Daddy- "Daddy doesn't have those things only Mommy does"

MB- "Wow, your life really sucks doesn't it?"

*wiping a tear out of pride*

*wiping several tears from laughing so damn hard!*

If there were ever any doubts he was my son I think that one would have cinched it. So tell me, am I the only mother who takes pride in what smartasses her children are? Even snickering where they can't see you when they say something funny counts so don't go hiding on me!

The new week has started on my Exercise for Comments and last week we got to 60 minutes. I almost made it the full way but ended up with gallbladder spasms and a slightfever today (which means I have to go back on one of my meds) so I mostly just sat around and took a nap. I expect more than 60 minutes this week though and I will try harder too okay?

So share with me something funny or smartass that your kids have said. Their little "kidisms" as they are called. I'd love to hear them!

Coming tomorrow- Mad Click Monday, news about upcoming contests, recap of new reviews, and I'll discuss the new tattoos I will be getting for Christmas! Hell, I might even still pierce my nose! ;)

Soggy Heathens At The Fair

Last year I took the kids to our first New Mexico State Fair and we honestly had a really good time. So much so that I've been looking forward all of this year to going again. When our local homeschooling group said they were setting up a day we could all go, get in free, and have free parking... I was there!

Wednesday the weather was great so why shouldn't it be on Thursday as well? Why? Because I didn't go to the damn fair on Wednesday that's why. I went on Thursday so instead of sunny weather we got downpours and drizzling rain for four hours! *grouchy*

We had to arrive at 10am with the group in order to get in which meant looking around at booths, souvenirs, and displays for two hours before the rides opened up. The sky looked icky but my hope was just that it would be overcast but not rain. Do you want to know what happened? You do don't you?

I took MonkeyBoy to McDonald's Farm the same as last year where he had fun again but was a little miffed that instead of ice cream as a prize this year it was apple slices from McDonald's. Him being my son he asked the lady "Is the ice cream in the box too? I think you forgot the ice cream". When the girl told him that they had yummy apple slices this year he actually told her "thank you" and waited until we were at the Petting Zoo to say "Apple slices suck!". *snort* I thanked him for not saying that in front of the woman and told him I know apple slices aren't ice cream but he'd get something fun and yummy later.

After the Petting Zoo we went looking through some of the vendor stalls and MB found a giant lollipop he wanted. Usually I would tell him that no chance in hell was he getting a huge sugar infested sucker but I figured this was once a year...hell with it. How does he thank the lady once she gives him the sucker? He hands her his bag of apple slices and says "Here, they are good for you and you should have them nice lady". LMFAO I thought I was going to pee my pants when he did that! The rotten shit was determined to get rid of those apples and figured out a way to do it too!

TEN FLIPPING MINUTES before the rides were to open up it started raining. At first it was a little drizzle but which I figured was no big deal. It would quit, they'd dry off the rides, and I could let MonkeyBoy ride to his heart's content. Yeah, not happening because then it decided to downpour sending everyone for cover.

Anyway- long story short, the kids had flatbread for the first time ever, I spent $14 to get MB a generic ass Care Bear and a Spiderman, the oldest kept coming to see me for money before taking off with his friend, MB was a royal pain in the ass and wouldn't let me look at anything, my feet got soaked, and as if that wasn't enough the kids decided that since it was raining they wanted to go to the mall! OY!

Mama's legs hurt like a sumbitch to say the least. The day was still fun though because we spent it together. MB was a turd but he has a way of following up being a butt with being a doll so you can't help but forgive him. Sis was a huge help all day and did really great. I enjoyed spending time with her. Big B... well I saw him twice at the mall and one of those times was while he was walking with blood pouring out of his mouth. Yeah, fake blood capsules are really damn funny you little weenie! Of course, me being me I looked back at him walking behind me and said REALLY LOUD, "Mouth off to me again and I'll punch you twice as hard next time"! hehe The looks I got....priceless.

It was a long day to say the least but we got out of this house and spent some time together so while I wish we had a great day at the Fair, it wasn't meant to be. Of course, Friday it was all sunny and nice again. Damn weather.

I'm still recovering at this point and would you believe the rotten little heathens want to go to a Tattoo and Music Festival today??? Mom's wiped out but let's drag her fat ass all over, listen to loud music, and possibly kill her! Obviously they still think they actually GET something when I die. HAHAHA Suckers!!!

*thinking* The flyer DOES say free piercing with purchase of jewelry. Mama HAS been considering a nose piercing...hmmmm.

To Be Continued...

That's So Not Fair...

The prior TIA/mini-strokes that I've had were very small and hardly noticed by me much less anyone else. They were okay but the larger one I had on Sunday that sent me to the ER (larger mini-stroke not a regular one) seems to have affected my kids in a way that not even cancer was able to and it's breaking my heart.

Sis is stuck to me like glue now. She's in a constant state of worry and nothing I say makes her relax any. If I go out of this house she calls my cell phone several times to make sure I'm alright. If I'm in a room she has to be close by. She won't even plan anything for her 13th birthday besides spending the day with me/the family. Your 13th birthday is special or at least it should be.

It's sweet and I've talked to her about things and let her know that it's my job to worry about her not the other way around but it doesn't seem matter. :(

MonkeyBoy is pretty bad too. Every time I leave the house and come back he gives me a hug and tells me he thought I died and even gets pretty graphic about the details which I have no clue where he could get it because he watches Noggin and such. ??? In fact, what made me write this post is the fact that MonkeyBoy brought me a picture a few minutes ago. A picture of tall Mommy and her little boy. Do you know WHY he made it for me? His exact words were "If I die you can look at this and still remember and love me". *crying* He's FOUR for crying out loud!! *He also just said to me that if I die he wants to die too so I won't be alone. Yeah, I'm bawling.*

This makes my heart ache so much because they are my babies and I've always tried to keep this kind of stuff away from them. They know my chances of some things are higher than normal but I've always done fairly well convincing them I'll be fine. This time I can't and I don't know if it's because it's just not processing for them... or if it's because I don't really believe Mommy will be okay myself.

Anyway- sorry for the bummer post but I needed to do it just to get it out. I've talked to the kids about death this week and let them know that this body is just skin and bones, it's my heart and what's inside that holds the intense love for them. Even if my body isn't here, I will always be close by and I will live as long as they live because they will keep me alive in their hearts.

Yeah, that is sooooooo not working at this point! Ugh.

*********IMPORTANT EDIT***********

There is a blog I visit regularly called Hope For Holly. The blog is kept mostly by the husband, Scott, and has documented his wife, Holly's, life since being diagnosed with Stage III Colon Cancer in January of this year.

I just went to the blog to catch up and found this post- "Head Shaving Weekend"

Please visit and watch the video. You will be awed, humbled, and definitely grab the Kleenex. This woman is so amazing. Thank you.

Proud Mommy Moment

My oldest son, Big B, started a music related MySpace profile a few months ago at my urging to "do something that interests you". He worked hard on it, contacted bands, and even did his own weekly Top 40 Songs list. It was nice seeing him actually put some time and effort into something.

Last month he started an actual blog where he could post his music list, have an artist of the week, add song samples, display new bands, and hopefully do some interviews with various signed and unsigned musicians. When he was ready to start contacting different bands about the interviews I helped him word the email and we sent it off to one of his favorite new singers.

As the days passed it was sad to see his disappointment in not hearing back from them but that all ended this morning when in his inbox sat an email from the agent telling him to send the questions and they would be given to the artist. :)

My boy is officially a music reporter and interviewer! Heck, I've never even had an email interview with someone famous so he's already got me there. lol. I'm very proud of all the effort he has put in to things and I really hope this turns out being alot of fun for him. It's so nice to see that little kid excitement in his eyes even at Sixteen.

So that's all, just some mommy bragging since I don't talk much about my heathens on here and said I would start.

Might I also brag that I am on day three of no soda and only just today the migraines are starting. I don't know how long I can hold out considering that there is more Wild Cherry Pepsi in my veins than blood but at least I'm giving it a try. It's either that or make my stomach feel even worse. So wish me luck. I know I'll break down and buy some eventually but I'm determined to at least cut back. ;)

Well Golly Gee, Wasn't That Just A Hoot!

NOTTTTTTTTTTT

Well at least now I know that if I'm offline for more than a day or two you guys will miss me. :) Heck, Meg will even call me to make sure I'm alright and everyone else in the house is still alive! How's that for love?! Sorry to go AWOL on ya for the past week. It wasn't because you smell bad or dress funny. Honest. Okay so maybe there is a little bit of a b.o. problem you've got there but not enough to drive me off. Yet. Oh and lose the red pumps would ya? They just don't work with your man boobs. Sorry.

Anywho- last week this computer decided to throw a pissy fit and quit working on me. I'm guessing someone ended up getting spyware or a virus on it because it also attacked Hubby's computer upstairs which is on the same network. Hubby Guy is the computer guru in this family so if it's techie and it screws up then he's the one who fixes it while I just sit back and try to look all helpless and shit. I've made the helpless routine work for seven years now so I must be doing something right.

Well with Hubby Guy working full time and getting ready for the new college semester to start, fixing ole Bessie here just wasn't a priority which it just so happens suited me just fine. Around the same time, lucky moi had one of my eye teeth pulled so I sure as hell did not feel like sitting in this hard ass chair typing while wanting to bang my head off the monitor! Four days and many painkillers later I am doing much better and I'm ready to get back to some bloggity good fun :) I have no fucking clue what "bloggity" means so I'm using my Get Out Of Explaining Stupid Words card at this time. Blame it on the Mommy Feels No Pain happy pills mmm kay? lol.

Speaking of Mommy... Happy Belated Mother's Day to all my mama blog friends. I hope you all had a wonderful day and got completely spoiled. We followed tradition here and had a dysfunctional holiday as usual. We might not be normal but dammit we're consistent! That's alright though, it just means I can hold it against Hubby Guy at a later date to make him bend to my will. *insert evil laugh and snort here*

I did get a Packers shirt out of the deal though so I'm a happy camper. Of course, no Brett Favre or Dwayne Johnson in the shirt but *le sigh* such is life. Oh well, from what I've read they'd both be stealing my pain killers anyway and then I'd have to go all ninja on their asses for it. So it's probably a good thing I just got the t-shirt.

So I'm back and it looks like I've been tagged for a few memes so I'll have to get to work on those plus I need to do an irritating paid post or two at some point. Thanks for worrying about me and missing me. I can just feel the lurve I'm tellin' ya. Not sure whose hand that is on my ass but I'm hoping it's a loving hand. hehehe

Shhhhhhhh It's A Secret

Secret Agent Josephine that is!! She's used some of her intriguing spy techniques to give LWH a completely new and personalized banner. Isn't it great? Dontcha wish you had one? Aren't you just soooooooooooo jealous? HA, I knew it!

This lady's talent is amazing and I am honored to be one of her chosen winners for a free web graphic (see her site for details and enter to win your very own). The first time I saw Jenn at Mommy Needs Coffee's banner I fell in love with SAJ's awesome talent and ability to transform people into drawings/art. Jenn's banner looks just like Jenn does (check out those eyes!) and wouldn't you know it, ours looks just like us! SAJ knew that I look good in red and I think I even have BOOBS up there! Can ya see them?? ME. With BOOBS!!! Amazing!

By the looks of it the picture she chose for inspiration was one I have on flickr of the kids dressed up for Halloween. It's even titled "See, Heathens". Oddly enough, I think all but the oldest were costumed (in the picture) appropriately. Sis dressed as a witch and she is (preteen girls are HELL) one. Lil Man dressed as a dragon/monster and he is most definately my little monster. The oldest manchild now feels I should buy him a skull on a stick though to go with his drawing. Ummmm, yeah I'll get right on that.

Thank you again SAJ for the gorgeous banner. I am beyond happy with it and as I said, it just so happens to be mine and Hubby Guy's seven year anniversary today so this is the best present EVER!!! Well this and the fact that he is upstairs napping which means he is leaving me alone. Oops, did I type that? hehe

Head on over and check Secret Agent Josephine's site out for yourself. If you hurry she has an adorable picture of Baby Bug up on her blog now to look at. Too cute!!

Sweet Sixteen For WHO?

I'm not thinking there's anything sweet about it! It sucks plain and simple! My oldest child is 16 years old as of 2:41pm EST today. This is so cruel, it truly is. Sixteen years have passed so quickly and now as he is looking towards the finish line (18), I'm trying to think of ways to trip and tackle him so he doesn't cross it! He's looking forward to being an adult and a man. I'm trying to figure out how to get him to play with his Biker Mice From Mars again.

If you've been reading this blog for the last two years then you know that every year on the kids' birthdays I do a special post to them. If you're new, well every year on my kids' birthdays I do a special post to them. Caught up now? Good. Then we will continue...

Dear Precious 16 Year Old Manchild,

Sixteen years ago today I gave birth to a 7lb 8oz baby boy with blue eyes and blonde hair. Such a tiny but beautiful thing. How did you ever get so big? One day you were laying on my chest while The Little Mermaid played on the hospital TV and the next you’re looking eye level with me and growing facial hair. How did this happen? When I wasn't looking you went from being my little baby boy to being an almost man. I feel like I’ve missed so much. I’ve always been here yet at times I really haven’t. I’m very sorry for that.

If I could go back in time I would do so many things differently. I’d have gone to college so I could have given you more and put you in sports. Please know that I always wanted to let you play on every team and do everything your friends did. Even now, I wish I could afford the things I know you would like. I'm sorry that I can't.

I’m sorry I chose such a deadbeat as your donor. Had he been decent you could have still been in activities even if I were broke. I wish I could have chosen a father that you could depend on over the years (biological I mean). Someone you could spend time with and know loved you. I’m sorry I didn’t do a very good job.

If I could go back in time I would spend even more with you and Sis when you were little. I would hide away from the world less and take you two out into it more. Yes, we have lots of wonderful memories but I wish we had so very many more.

I would have used my head more instead of jumping into something that hasn’t really been good for any of us. I would have been a better mother and put you kids first instead of my own insecurities. I hope you know in your heart that Dad (definitely not bio-jerk) is a good man, responsible, and he always makes sure we have the things we truly need. I know he’s not a very good father but I do believe he tries. He’s not wired like we are and where we show love with hugs and words, he shows his with working and making sure we will never go without. Of course, he will pay dearly for giving you his card first this morning instead of letting me be first. I will keep all punishment just to slow torture though, I promise. *wink* Oh well, mine was better than his Ass card though wasn’t it? Just humor me and say “yes mom” okay?

Since my diagnosis, I should have been working my ass off to be a wonderful mother to you kids. Someone you could be proud of and remember fondly…just in case. I’m sorry that I haven’t been. I’m pretty worthless most days I know. I hope you know that I want nothing more than to be able to play football with you, run with you kids, hike mountains without getting sick, and do all the other things you kids like. I’m sorry that instead I spend most days either in pain or sick from adrenal crap. You deserve so much more in a mother. You deserve a wonderful mother because you are a wonderful kid.

Thank you for being such a great big brother to Sis and MonkeyBoy. You are such a huge help to me on the days that my health isn’t all that great. You never hold it against me or hate me for being sick. That means so much to me.

Most of all, thank you for being my son. My world truly changed for the better when you came into it. I’m so glad you are in my life and I am so proud of the man you are becoming. I hope I will be around to see you reach your potential and achieve your dreams. I know that you are going to be fantastic at everything.

Today, on your 16th birthday my wish for you is happiness to last a lifetime, heartfelt love so you never feel alone, hope so you never give up, and a very very long life without anymore cancer.

I will be here as long as I can sweety, but if the day comes too soon that I’m not, please know that you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Thank you for saving my life 16 years ago. Because of you I became a mother and found out what the words "unconditional love" meant.

Eternally,
Mom

Kelly Says I Gotta Get Goals!

A few weeks ago Kelly at kellymentology tagged me for a "Gotta Get Goals" meme. Here are the official rules and it has taken me this long to post because I truly put a lot of thought into this. In the end though, I’m afraid I wasn’t able to do it justice.

The rules state that you list and write about the top goals that you have to achieve so you can truly say you have achieved your wildest dreams. Your best, most exclusive, and over-the-top goals.

I went through the long list of goals I have and realized that only two of them meet that criteria. All of my goals save those two are minor goals. When I was diagnosed all the goals I had set for myself just didn’t seem important anymore. Being a better writer, visiting Italy, and things like that just no longer mattered.

So I’m afraid I only have two simple “gotta’ get” goals to share with you and I hope that is okay. Thank you Kelly for tagging me because it made me do a lot of thinking and that is how I realized that it all boiled down to these two goals…

1) Live long enough to see all three of my children grown. I won’t ask for more than that (but you can bet your ass I’ll grab for it!) and seeing my last child reach adulthood would be a fantastic gift. So that means not cancer, or sickness, or any damn bus is allowed to take me any sooner than 15 years!

2) Do my best to help my children become happy, successful (however that pertains to them), and kind adults. I’ve screwed them up so much over the years that I hope they can forgive me and learn from my mistakes. I want them to be everything I never was- educated, strong, independent, and able to live life in the present and not the past.

I hope I can help my daughter become a strong, independent woman that no man will ever even think of hitting or degrading. I hope I can help her one day look in the mirror and just know she is fantastic!

I want to help my sons become honorable, responsible, and loving men. Men who are great fathers, husbands, and friends. Everything I haven’t been able to give them as children. I want to instill fear in them of their mother if they ever put their hands on a woman or degrade her. I want them to be everything all the men in my life never were and I will do my damndest to make sure that happens.

So those are my two goals. Things like going to college, being published in print, visiting Tuscany… all those seem so dim in comparison. I just want to be here for my children in all the ways they need me and finally, finally make them proud of me too.

As for tagging, well I think you know whether or not you’d want to do this so just leave me a comment if you decide to post your own goals so I can come see them. I would love to write something nice about certain people and tag them but the truth is that I know so many amazing people that I can’t just choose a few of them (or even enough to not make this post a page long. Lol). If I read your blog then I think a lot of you and want to thank you for allowing me to read glimpses of your lives.