Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I Just Birth Awesome!

Just like every other mom out there, I think my kids are pretty awesome. The fact that they all got my sense of humor is fantastic! There is never a dull moment with them and their sense of humor is one of the things I miss the most about the older two heathens not living at home.

Thankfully I still have Hyper Heathen to keep me entertained and boy does he ever! I thought I would share some conversations we've had this week. Enjoy!

I've been trying to teach Aidan some Scots Gaelic while I work on it myself, so the other day the lesson went like this...

Me: "Tha mi toilichte"

Hyper Heathen: "Tha mi toilich... Geez there is a lot of phlegm in this language! It's like 'hello' hock a loogie 'how are you' lots of phlegm 'can I get you anything' LIKE A NEW THROAT!!!"

Me: "Don't dis the Gaelic child! Dis it and I won't teach you to curse in it when you're older!"

HH: "Where were we again? I love this language! Oh yeah, tha mi toilICHte. Just rolls off the tongue"

Such a smartass!

For Social Studies he's been learning about Ancient Greece so today we had this wonderful conversation...

HH: "The Ancient Greeks were a-holes but the Persians were total dicks!"

Me: "Don't say dicks and people have been assholes all throughout time. Look how many we have now!"

HH: "Well that's encouraging...be born they said, grow up they said, became an a-hole they said, will be fun they said. Was not fun"

Me: "You just figured out life at the age of 12, now the rest of your life will be mundane and boring."

HH: "well crap, I just lost my will to live"

Me: "Welcome to my world son."

As I said, never dull.


Monday, September 15, 2014

Dick Move Apple, Bono Sucks!

In case you haven't heard by now, on September 9th at the iPhone 6 launch, Apple and the band U2 automatically uploaded U2's latest album onto MILLIONS of iPhones and iPads (via iCloud).

Now when I read that I figured it had nothing to do with me because I somehow usually am lucky enough to be left out. Then I got that sick feeling in my stomach that I get when my gut says, "Oh damn, somethin's up!" so checked my downloaded music on my iPhone 5 and son of a titless goat if those bastards U2 aren't on my damn phone now!!

Don't believe me? Well you may be a drive by suckass music recipient too and don't even know it so haha!

I compare this to coming home and finding out that your father (in this case Apple) has sent the aunt you can't stand (yep that's U2) to wait for you in your living room.

Don't like...

Don't want...

And now you're stuck with the bitch because she will NEVER leave!

Dick move Apple and Bono. Dick move.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

And She Thought SHE Shouldn't Tell!!

First of all I know, I'm a shitty blogger. I abandoned my blog and now would be surprised if even one person reads this. What can I say? I lost my writing mojo for a lonnnnggg time. I think the bitch went to the Cayman Islands without me. Now she's back with a really nice tan and hopefully ready to get back to work.

Will you forgive me? I'm not promising that I'll start writing all the time again but I have so many funny things that Hyper Heathen has said that I want to share. Later. Not today. Today someone else made a funny for me and I wanted to comment on and share that.

Today on Facebook the story The Awkward Parenting Story I Probably Shouldn't Tell came across my news feed. Just the picture alone was enough to get me to read the story and I found myself laughing at how horrified this mom was that she said, "UNO BITCHES!" to her kids. The faces they all recreated too were pretty fucking awesome!

I'm sorry but at the same time I have to say pffftttt amateur! She needs to know she is STILL a pretty perfect parent. I bet SHE will probably never say, "Haha Muthafucka!" to her teen and then grown children. I'm sure she'll never tell her daughters, "DAFUQ DUDE?!" Does she tell her kids, "Don't act like an asshole. You're acting like an asshole! Stop It!!"? Probably not.

I could write a fucking book on my parenting fails when it comes to cursing at, around, or to your kids. Am I proud? Well there IS a fucked up Little Jo inside me that probably is but mostly it just is what it is. Shit happens and if that's the worst thing someone ever does with their kids then I'm fine with that.

I curse. My kids know I curse. My friends know I curse. I don't curse around other people's children, babies, or nuns. I HAVE cursed around a preacher or two. They were being dicks. I'm not ashamed.

When I posted about this on Facebook my 23 year old said, "I'm a little annoyed that I never got to hear you say, 'UNO BITCHES' to us". See, my kids are pretty damn funny themselves so I guess mama being a potty mouth didn't destroy them.

 And yes, my daughter and I have a text war once a week to see who can call the other one the worst word possible. Winner gets bragging rights for the week. She's 20... this started when she was 16. She's getting really good at it now and I'm proud. Why? Cuz das my mini-bitch.

Uno Bitches! Fucking UNO!!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Geek Parenting, I'm Doing It Right!

So just this past week we have finally started watching the Doctor Who series around here. I loved the show as a kid in the 80s but for some reason I put off watching the show starting in 2005. Now I wish I had been watching it all along because we're really enjoying it right now.

I have to admit though, everytime I see David Tennant all I can think of is this...

and it's just not attractive! Haha.

Anyway- so I just wanted to share a conversation I had a little while ago with my 10 year old geek boy...

Me- "What do you think of Chris Eccleston as Doctor 9?"

Hyper Heathen- "FANTASTIC!"

(sound of me snorting)

Me- "What do you think of David Tennant as Doctor 10?"


(short laugh)

Me- "Do you think Matt Smith will be a good Doctor 11 when we get that far?"

HH- "WHO?"

(Laughs and shows him a picture)

HH- "We kill the ones who sparkle for free! Gank him Sammy!"

(laughing until I cry)

When fandoms cross over then Geek Parenting, you're doing it right.

Monday, July 22, 2013

I'm A Neuropathic Nightmare!

I saw the Neurologist and found out after many tests, scans, and pokey needle things that I definitely have Peripheral Neuropathy which we already knew but now I have an updated diagnosis of it for my records. What I wasn't expecting was that when I brought the papers home and looked at them I saw that the doctor had written down, "Small Fiber Neuropathy", "Idiopathic Neuropathy" (which just means no clue what caused it), and "Autonomic Neuropathy".

The thing that bothers me is the Autonomic Neuropathy because it's one that affects your organs and explains why I've been getting dizzy a lot. It seems it is affecting my heart although only very mildly at this point. We aren't sure yet what other organs are being compromised yet and I can't say I'm in a hurry to find out.

I also found out that I have to have an MRI and I'm being referred to a pain clinic because she honestly thinks that at this point I'm going to need pain meds. Not what I wanted to hear but also what I already knew too. I've tried all the medications to try to help with this neuropathy and I've either had bad reactions or there is my Gabapentin which keeps me sane and not wanting to gnaw my limbs off but doesn't actually help pain. I absolutely hate pain medications and will have to mentally become okay with taking them so we will see.

In good news, Hyper Heathen is almost finished with swim lessons for the summer and he has done really well. He has gone off the diving board a few times and swims awesome now. I'm so very proud of him and his progress! I was able to sign him up for all of the sessions so he has spent the entire summer swimming and I think that has helped out a lot.

Big B and Sis are doing alright and plugging along in this shithole we call life. All I can hope is that they are smarter than I was at that age and make the most of their lives. I want the best of everything for them and it's hard once your children become adults because you can't give them that or do it for them. As adults they have to go get it for themselves. Can't help wanting to care for my "babies" no matter how big they get though. Lol.

Monday, April 08, 2013

License Lies, Black Mold, and Growing Up

I got my license renewed today and needless to say, I hate the picture. I tried so hard to have a nice picture but just meh. I look fat and tired which is depressing when I am losing weight. I'm cool with looking tired though cuz I am ALWAYS tired! Lol

We've had a lot of contractors here lately because we found black mold in the wall of our bathroom and had to have it all ripped out. All meaning two entire walls inside and out, the shower, and the tub. Talk about a disaster! To make matters worse, I don't think the contractor is doing the job right so I have a feeling this is going to go south real quick. *sigh*

Big B came over and spent the day today with Hyper Heathen today which was nice because HH misses his brother and sister when they're not here often (both have moved out to their own places). I feel bad for him and know its hard having them grow up without him. Today though Big B played video games with HH and they had fun hanging out.

Speaking of growing up, Hyper Heathen is in pre-puberty! My last baby is growing up and that is unfair as hell. Why do they do this to me? WHY do they torture me so? haha. Seriously though, if I could go back I would treasure their childhoods more and enjoy each day. With the oldest two especially I was so worried about "milestones" and stupid selfish crap that I didn't appreciate the gift I was given at the time. That's the problem though, we can't go back and we don't get a second chance. SUCKS! To make it even worse, Big B turns 20FREAKING2 later this month!

Oh and for the record, I cheated on my eye exam for my license. Lol. I get fitted for glasses tomorrow so I will have them but for today my vision stinks so I would close one eye, read some, then switch eyes. haha. I just didn't want to lose my license right before I get the glasses that correct my vision.

So there is my dirty little secret!

Saturday, February 02, 2013

A Whole New View On Things

When Hubby Guy and I first got together (sometime in the first year) we watched the movie Stepmom starring Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, and Ed Harris. It's a sweet movie about the dynamics between the Ex-Wife and the new fiancé of Ed Harris' character. The ex ends up with terminal cancer and realizes that this is the woman who will raise her kids and they become friends. It's more interesting than my description I promise!

Anyway, I remember that the first time we watched it I teared up a little but no real waterworks. It was sad and sweet but at the time cancer was something other people got. This was before I knew my father or about the genetic disorder we have so I figured the worst thing that would happen would be getting diabetes.

Fast forward thirteen years to today when we watched Stepmom again and you would have seen me bawling like a frakkin baby! You see, I realized today that HAVING cancer can even affect how you process and feel about movies you watch. This time I was watching it as a mother who has cancer who has had to face the very real idea of saying goodbye to her kids just like Susan Sarandon's character in the movie.

This time I was asking myself if I have taken enough pictures with my kids. Have I created enough good memories? Have I given them traditions they can pass on? Have I brought them more happiness than sadness during their lives? Was I there for them like they needed?

Maybe it hit me more this time also because I decided on New Year's that I was going to make sure I could answer "yes" to several of those questions plus I want to make sure they don't remember me as their mom who was always sick and had to lay on the couch a lot. I'm actually DOING something about what I leave behind and I have to admit it feels pretty damn good!

No matter what I'm going to be sick. No matter what I'm going to be in pain. No matter what I'm going to have cancer but that doesn't mean I have to give up showing my heathens how to LIVE or how to stay hopeful.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Even Heathens Grow Up

Around the Life With Heathens house things feel "odd" these days. When I started this blog my oldest was 14 years old and all my heathens lived here at home. Fast forward seven years and my oldest, Big B, is now 21 and living with his girlfriend. The sweet teenager is now a man with a job, a life, and a beard I can't fucking stand!

Sis was 11 years old when this blog started and now she's 18 and living on her own with "her gay boyfriend" aka her roommate. Sis is now an amazingly beautiful, sweet, headstrong young woman who has her mother's stubbornness. So much so that sometimes I want to knock some sense into her!

MonkeyBoy is now "Hyper Heathen" and just turned 10 years old the other day. He was a cute little 3 year old when this all started and now he's a tall, extraordinarily intelligent, funny, sarcastic mini version of us all. He's also my last one still being homeschooled which is bittersweet as well. They grow so fast!

It feels wrong in a lot of ways having only one child in this house. I miss the noise of having two teenagers arguing and slamming doors. I miss knowing that all the kids have no choice but to be here on holidays. I miss checking three rooms each night to make sure everyone is tucked in and sleeping soundly. I just miss having all three of my lil heathens around me. Having your kids grow up sucks ass!

But I am proud of who they are becoming. I am proud of the people they are in their hearts because they are all good people. I am proud to be their mother every minute of every day. They will always be my heathens and I will always feel blessed that I got to have a Life With Heathens. ❤