Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Say "No" To Hitting And "YES" To Yelling!

Yelling out that we won't be victims any longer that is! October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as a survivor of domestic violence myself, this is definately a cause that I will proudly stand up and yell for.

Be the voice for those who haven't found theirs yet. Please consider offering your support to your local women's shelter, be a court advocate for both female AND male victims of domestic abuse, or anything else you can think of to help. This is unfortunately yet another area where our courts and justice system fail the victims. Let them know they aren't alone after all. Let them know that someone does care and that they don't deserve this.

Here is my contribution to Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It's a poem I wrote many years ago and I'm sure you won't have to ask who it was about after reading it. Whenever I read it I can't help but cry for that woman... knowing what I know now. She couldn't find her voice so she wrote out her pain on paper years later. Today, well sometimes you can't get her to shut up because she has found her voice and uses it as much as she can. lol

Thank you for reading.

The Birth Of A "Butterfly"

Cries ring out, echoing off the walls,
Pain felt by only one as another woman falls.
It all started so nice, he was such a great guy.
How could she have known it was just a great lie?

Finally she comes to as the new wounds start to bleed
And knows that someday from this hell she has be freed.
Opening an eye she wonders, "Why is this happening to me?".
Her other eye is swollen maybe it's good she can't see.

He's yelling again, now what did she do?
No matter how hard she tries he always finds something new.
"Lazy", "worthless", "whore" as he just keeps going on.
She swears one day he'll come home and he'll find her gone.

Another blow to the face, her head snaps to the side.
Maybe things would be better if she just died.
Do the kids know that he does this to her?
She hopes they don't but you can never be sure.

Finally he's done and he unlocks her bind.
Does she really deserve this or did love make her blind?
She slumps to the floor and welcomes the cold.
Such a young woman now feeling so old.

Can she leave him? Could she really make it out?
Again she closes her eyes as she's swallowed by doubt.
He'd find her and then he'd just do even worse.
Love isn't a gift, it's a damned hellish curse.

This isn't how things are suppose to go.
Were his words and gifts all just for show?
He was suppose to love her and save her from harm.
So why does she have all these marks on her arm?

He goes upstairs leaving her on the floor.
She'll just stay here until it doesn't hurt anymore.
Not many tears fall these days, she cried them all months ago.
How could nobody help her, how could nobody know?

"Help me", she whispers in pain to the room
And feels some warmth, come through the gloom.
As strength surrounds her she knows it'll be alright.
Yes, definately soon just not tonight.

She picks herself up, and heads towards the stair.
Holding herself straight because she knows he's up there.
Maybe tomorrow will bring her a chance to run
And life in this hell will finally be done.

She makes herself a promise, "I will start to be strong"
"And never again will a man treat me wrong."
It's been a long painful lesson but one she's learned well
Now it's time for this butterfly to break out of her shell.

J. Coiner 4/21/00
*edited 10/04/06 because of personal growth. original posted here- A Woman Cries*

The meaning of the "butterfly" in the title of this poem is from the term/symbol used for survivors of domestic abuse (and so many other things). Butterflies are a symbol of "freedom" and when someone escapes an abusive situation they are spreading their wings for the first time and finding their freedom just like a new butterfly fresh from it's crystalis.


Anonymous said...

What a beautiful poem. What a beautiful cause reason to Yell Out loud.

I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did. I am happy you are okay and strong enough to write about it.


Anonymous said...

Wow, you gave me goosebumps. I grew up watching my father beat my mother. It haunts me to this day. You are a very strong lady. Thanks for sharing and promoting this cause.

Anonymous said...

Your poem brought tears to my eyes.
I'm so grateful I left when I did, never turned back and now found the happiness I finally believe I deserve.
Thanks Jo :)

jafabrit said...

What a fabulous poem. I know what you mean about never again letting a man treating you wrong (in my case a father).

what a strong lady you are and I applaud your strength and YELLING!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Jo, -Please- send your poem in to my (new) womyn's poetry blog. I would appreciate it so as an abuse survivor.

There are so many of us out there.

I haven't shared my abuse survivor herstory on my blog, but after reading your post I was inspired to create a survivor graphic for it.

Thank you for sharing this. Hugs and tears for better years.

Elderfaery said...

The thing about yelling out made me think of how, in my experience, domestic violence was about the fact that I was not quiet. When I look back on it I can see that it was true that I "never shut up" wierd that even though I know that in no way SHOULD I have kept quiet to try and avoid being 'shut up'..that somehow I wish that I hadn't got into a situation where I could not say something (or yell something) without then being blamed for ensuing violence against me. FFS is not like I was saying 'hurt me' was it? The fact is, it was said to me that it was I who brought it on by verbalising too much. In a nutshell version that one. Mmmm. Just commenting on the yell thing cos one part of me says No to violence, but then an equally strong but obviously f'd up bit of me quakes: 'Oh shit, if it is no to violence then we'd better keep quiet to avoid it then..' Not particularly well worked out I I better figure out where I am coming from about this. Thanks for raising awareness on this difficult is important to get people to talk about this and question our attitudes. xxx

Anonymous said...

thanks for leting people know about domestic violence month - I didn't know that. Maybe that's why my town has a big banner saying we are a domestic violence-free town (but that sign irks me, like the drug free school zones).

Anyhow, wonderful poem - thank you so much for sharing!

colleen m said...

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Love your pic of the kids behind bars. We go camping and sometimes put our children in dog crates. We can fit 3 families worth of small children in one dog crate FYI. LOLOLOL. Just ask Brandy. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing, it's really important for many people.
I cant still yell myself.
Some of us never will.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post Jo, I had been reading your blog for a while but only recently I got the whole picture. You definitely are a very special person and not only kick ass but also have a huge heart.
Abuse make you stronger, it's true, your husband is right about detachment from pain and emotional sufference.
As a person working on genetics I know what's an autosomal dominant disease but I'll never know how you must have felt at the beginning of it, where you found the strenght and how you manage to be such a wonderful mother to your kids after all this.
A big hug to you and all your family.

Jo said...

Thank you so much to all of you. I posted the poem not so people would care more about what happened to me but so they would care and understand more what happens to so many everyday. I honestly feel lucky even though this was just one small part of the abuse that has happened in my life. I feel lucky because there are so many out there who have gone through so much more. For me (or at least in my own mind), making it through it all wasn't a choice so I did what I always do and blocked the pain and memories of it all and went on with my life. Others aren't so lucky and I truly mourn for them.

Jones- you're going to make me cry. If you would ever like to ask any questions about the MEN2a etc please feel free to email me. I'm not sure if it's interesting to someone in genetics or not but I'm always open to answering questions for people. ;)

A big hug back to you and thank you again for both of your comments. I'm glad you're around and I hope you continue to stick around. :)

Ticia- you are such a bad girl! LOL

AGK said...

If I may...nudge ever so gently...are you gonna blog again soon?