Tuesday, May 29, 2007

4 Things I Would Like To Know…

and preferably before I die would be nice.

1- Who the hell taught Miss Fergie Ferg, Duchess, Kids Inc Little Stacy, whoever to talk? What in the hell is "flousey"? My kids tell me that she’s saying "FLOSSY". Can’t she just say "flossy"? Why am I always the last one to learn about new hoochie speak? And why does she have to spell everything out? I’m grateful to her for teaching my daughter to spell "glamorous" but was "fergalicious" really necessary? HOW is Sis going to work "fergalicious" into a college essay? Hmmm?

2- How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a TootsiePop? Seriously! Remember that owl and dumb kid commercial they came out with way back when? The stupid thing would get stuck in your head for weeks but since "Mr. Owl" totally cheated you still never knew! I tried finding out on my own but I'll be damned if I didn't bite into it the minute I caught a taste of the tootsie roll. If you know, share the knowledge. Also, did anyone ever really get a free sucker because there was an indian shooting an arrow at a star on their wrapper? I sure didn't!

3. What in the hell would possess someone in Mexico to google "dwayne johnson man boobs" (LWH is on page 3 *wink*)? I kid you not, some moron really looked that up and landed on this blog! I have a huge crush on the guy and not even I would google something like that. You have a problem. Seriously. SEEK HELP.

4. And last but not least- why can my 4 year old say he wants to be Ben 10 when he grows up and it's cute but I say I want to be Angelina Jolie and it's creepy? It's okay for little kids to want to grow up to be a cartoon character that turns into ten different aliens but it's not okay for a 32 year old to dream of having cool tattoos, a small ass, perky boobs, and getting to tag Brad Pitt every night. That's not fair! I can't help it if it took me this long to figure out what I really wanted to be. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer, ya know? At least I don't go around looking up man boobs on the internet!


Pork with Bones said...

I once counted how many licks it took me to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop: 97. Although that was not the number of licks it took to get to the stick; I considered the blob of chocolate at the center to be the center.

How much of a geek does it make me that I not only counted that when I was 8 years old, but still remember the number?

Also, the free sucker thing? Totally an urban legend.

Jo said...

You are my new hero!! I can finally mark that one off my list. 97 huh? I count the chocolate as the center too. :)

One Wacky Mom said...

Jo, let me tell you something Babe...I have taught my children that they NEVER WANT TO PEAK TO EARLY IN LIFE!!! Now why is that important? Because when you peak to early, its all downhill from there. So sweetie, you are on the right track. As George Bernard Shaw said, Life isn't about discovering yourself, life is about creating yourself. And that you are doing beautifully darling! You are doing a fabulous job creating yourself and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Now I don't know anybody who's truly honest with themselves who wouldn't want Angelina Jolie's body. When people say they hate her......I'm thinking yup...sure....you are jealous aren't you? I don't understand jealousy...but it's a HUGE WOMAN THAT CAN RECOGNIZE and ADMIRE ANOTHER WOMAN'S BEAUTY.

Many women are too small to do that. You darling are huge! Never forget that!

And your thoughts are why I'm putting you into my book about women.......you are bigger than you realize!!!!!!!!

Elle said...

LOL Fergie has issues - speech and linguistic issues.

You can review me if you want!! I would say promise to be kind but I'd rather have the honest truth than fluff ;)

Life As I Know It said...

Oh, I love that tootsie roll commercial. I ask my 5 year old all the time how many licks will it take for him to get to the middle, and then I tell him to go ask the wise owl. He,of course, has no clue what I'm talking about and thinks I am nuts, as usual.

Summer said...

I want to be be Angelina when I grow up too, though at the rate I'm going I may never grow up. ;)