A Bitch Has GOT To Laugh!

First of all, how do you like the new three column layout? It took me two full days to figure it out but FINALLY here it is. I am so proud of myself and you can bet your ass that I am patting myself on the back constantly! Actually, I'm just really excited that my blonde self figured out how to do it. Take THAT Hubby!!

Okay, on to the good stuff...

I think we should nominate THIS WOMAN as Queen Of The Teenage Moms!! This post is the funniest and most amazing thing I've seen in a long time! Unfortunately, Big B would have been tickled pink to have all those "little condoms" and WE would have found them on everything in the house. Damn kid has grown up with a rotten sarcastic mother and I think he has inherited more than just cancer from me. lol. Crystal, you are my new hero!!

Because of all your love, I was lucky enough to last TWO days at TopMomma! It was alot of fun and I'm glad I did it. I even found out that the person I referred to as "That Damn Mud Mask Lady" (to my kids each time I checked the stats and yelled "That damn mud mask lady is STILL kicking my ass!!) was actually Jenn from Mommy Needs Coffee who I've always thought was one funny chica! Be sure to vote for her...she's the one with the mud mask and curlers. ;) By the way, this confusion cost me alot of votes so make sure that once you get to the TopMomma page you actually click the PICTURE with the mud mask and curlers to actually vote for her. Yeah, that little oopsy made me end up with more referrals than votes! LMAO.

Thank You Planet Cancer! While websurfing last night I came across this awesome list that fits me so perfectly. Now I have new things to say when asked about my U-shaped scar on my neck! :)

Top 10 Responses To Nosy Questions About Scars

1. Never go to Mother's Tattoo Parlor when you're high.
2. You think that's bad, you should see the exit wound.
3. I self-mutilate. Don't you?
4. Those damn flesh-eating bacteria are spreading, slowly but surely.
5. That's where the government put the chip to track my movements.
6. It's the only way to smuggle drugs these days.
7. What scar? What are you talking about? Oh my God! That's HUGE!
8. I had to sell organs to get off the street.
9. I should have listened when Mom said not to scratch that mosquito bite.
10. That's where my Siamese twin was attached.

Oh and by the way... I've realized that by trying to be a "mommy blogger" I've ended up losing the best part of me which is my sarcastic sense of humor so effective immediately I'm going to just be myself. I'm sure I'll lose some readers but hopefully I'll gain some too. If cursing, sarcasm, bitchiness, and a twisted sense of humor bother you... well, it's been real but now it's time to go find another site that shits rainbows. If all that sounds like your kind of blog then enjoy your stay. :)

Speaking of which- remind me to tell you MY shittin' rainbows story.