Playing Catch Up

So much to catch up on and no clue where to start. Let's see, first I would like to brag that MonkeyBoy is in his first year of Tee-ball where he is having a blast! Watching these little kids run around the bases or trying to hit the ball is just so much fun. His first game is April 14th so I'm both excited and nervous for him.

Oh and you should see their little uniforms!!! TOO CUTE!! Their team is the Pirates making the uniform shirt black with yellow lettering, gray pants, black socks, their hats are black with a yellow "P" on it. He looks so cool when he has the whole thing on. *smile*

The downside to their uniforms is that there will be times they will be playing in almost 100 degree heat so wearing mostly black will not work in their favor during those times. Ugh.

Another fun thing to share is that my oldest is an assistant coach for MonkeyBoy's team so I get to watch both my boys in action at the same time. BigB has so much patience with the kids (and believe me there are some wild ones!) and I'm so proud of him. He takes his time teaching them to catch, throw, and bat without ever losing his cool. I'm so proud of the man he is becoming.

BigB will also be graduating from high school by the end of May then going on to start his college courses. At this point he is leaning towards a degree in metallurgical engineering but obviously he's free to change his mind many times before he has to decide for sure. I'm so sad to see my kids growing up already but so happy that they have turned out to be so smart and completely awesome. I'm very very lucky.

Speaking of BigB, his scumbag donor, Kirk A. Coiner, is now on welfare and personally I am disgusted with the state of Oregon. Here sits a perfectly healthy and able to work male on welfare, getting assistance with housing, food, utilities, and going to college for free (which is something his son doesn't get to do) all while he is not paying a single penny of the $350 a month he's suppose to pay. He now owes almost $30,000 in back child support yet Oregon does nothing. If someone from the Oregon Division of Child Support (Roseburg office) or their welfare department could enlighten me as to why they are allowing this I would be very grateful. I won't hold my breath though don't worry.

Sis is getting ready to start public High School in the fall thus ending her time homeschooling. On one hand I'm sad to see her go but I also think it will be good for her in alot of ways. While still at home though she is finally enjoying reading making her mama a very happy woman. LOL. So far she has torn through the Twilight Series, the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson, and a few horror books. I'm glad she is finally enjoying reading and seeing for herself how relaxing yet fun it can be.

Sis is also now in 4-H with my friend, Leah's, teens and really liking it so far. She has missed a few meetings but we're hoping she will be to able to enjoyparticipate in 4-H more soon. Once Sis starts school she plans on joining a few activities there which will probably keep BOTH of us busy and out of trouble. Again, I'm so proud of her and she is such an amazing young woman. I couldn't ask for a more fantastic daughter.

I haven't been up to much really. In November I finally had a hysterectomy which went really well. It was so nice finally having a surgery that went like it was suppose to. We found out after the surgery that I had adenomyosis and if you read that link then I'll say that I was one of the "hot coal" analogy people. Life was miserable and every single time I ate anything at all for over two years I would get sick. It sucked because on top of the pain each month I had to deal with not being able to eat out anywhere for fear of what came afterwards. I also had at least two doctors during that time basically say I was making it all up.

Thankfully though as soon as I had the hysterectomy the "hot coal" symptoms went away and I have enjoyed being normal (at least in that aspect) ever since. It has also been amazing to know that I don't have to worry about pregnancy anymore which was a huge fear of mine since I could pass MEN2a on to any child I have. Now I'm free from both fear and pain which has made me much happier.

On the cancer front I'm just going to bow out for now because it's just not even worth going over. I'm just tired of it all and don't want to play anymore. Sorry.

I am still homeschooling MonkeyBoy who is amazingly smart and tons of fun to teach. He learns from literally everything around him which in turn teaches me more as well. It's been really great having this time with him.

So that's it in a nutshell. Of course there are tons of things I could post about that have happened over the months but I'm sure they are far more interesting to me than they ever would be to anyone reading this blog and I'm still a little bit weird about posting too much about my kids. I'm always more than happy though to say that they are truly a treasure and the light in my life. Obviously they have their times and screw up just like we all do but in the end I have been so lucky to have the kids I do. I wouldn't ask for any other heathens even if I could.

Besides, when your children are basically carbon copies of you it's hard to drop the little cretons off somewhere and NOT have someone return them so I suppose I am just stuck with them. *wink*

The Coming Loss of A Wonderful Mama

Yes, I know I haven't written in many months and you have no clue how many times I have started a post only to delete it because my heart just wasn't in it. Blogging just honestly hasn't ranked very high on the priority list lately I guess and for that I apologize to those of you who read here.

Tonight though I read something that broke my heart and I knew that I couldn't just ignore it and not post.

Those of you who have followed my blog have read my posts having to do with Lisa from Clusterfook. The woman is amazing as she has been through cancer three times now. Her strength and outlook through it all taught me alot about how to handle living with cancer with grace and an immense amount of class.

Unfortunately I have just read that she is now in the final days of her battle and it breaks my heart. She was realistic from the beginning about her chances of making it through this time but I'll be honest and say I really hoped she would beat the odds and come out okay. She deserved a break this time, you know?

So my point of making my first post back blogging about Lisa is so that anyone who reads will add her and her family (she is leaving behind a husband and two young daughters) to your thoughts, prayers, loving vibes, or whatever you do as she is very deserving of them. From what I've read, she has fought as hard as she could and dealt with the pain long enough. Please hope she is finally able to be at peace as much as it breaks my heart to ask for her passing.

Lisa- I know you will never read this but thank you for sharing your life with us online and for the emails that helped me become better about living with my own cancer. Thank you for being so amazing, graceful, classy, and honest no matter what. I hope I can one day be even have the woman you are. You've set the bar very high sweetheart.

Go in peace, dear.

Our Darkest Day- My 9/11 Tribute

This is a poem I wrote seven years ago today as I watched the events of 9/11 unfold. I'm afraid it's a very raw poem and not very "professional" but it was my heart that day. My heart hurt for those who had so suddenly lost loved ones, hatred took root as I wondered what kind of monsters could be that sick and demented, and fear took hold as I worried if my children were now suddenly in danger.

"Our Darkest Day" was published a year later in the book "911: The Day America Cried". All proceeds benefit the Todd Beamer Foundation & I am proud to say I did not receive a single penny of any of it! :)

Our Darkest Day

Somewhere today a child cries

For a mother who’ll never come home

A wife waiting to hear from her mate

Sits shaking by the phone.

A sister thinks about words she said

And knows she can’t take back

A brother screams out ‘Why us God?!’

As dust settles from the attack

In streets usually alive with bustle

Now silence and sirens are all that’s heard

Families looking for signs of hope

Just waiting for a word.

In the shadows of a tragedy

A nation is mourning from sea to sea

Who could have done such an awful thing?

God, who can this demon be?

So many questions left unanswered

So much pain left to be felt

But as a nation we swear to our dead

That justice will be dealt.

For they may have struck a horrible blow

But they failed to remember one thing

That even on our Darkest Day

The bells of Liberty ring.

Jolene Coiner

9/11/01
© Jolene Coiner Burzycki

Ugh, I Suck

I know I haven't posted anything in awhile and I know it's hard to want to read here when I never fucking post BUT I've felt like total ass for almost a month now. I can't even pinpoint it down to one certain thing either... I just feel like out and out ass.

Some good news is that I've finally found a good rheumatologist and she is truly awesome! The only downside is that she is the third rheum to confirm that I have fibromyalgia (when others are having a hard time getting ONE doc to diagnose them I've got three! HA) and she even called it, "Very bad fibromyalgia". *sigh* Dammit.

I'm behind on everything at this point. I have reviews that are past overdue, blog posts on my blogs that should go up sometime this century, and I even have fucking snail mail letters that I owe some good friends! The only thing I'm not behind on is laundry and that's just because my daughter gets all weird if she doesn't have clean clothes. *snicker*

Tomorrow I have an abdominal ultrasound to look for a reason why I get sick everytime I eat and any day now I should find out when my next cancer scans are so we can see if the rotten little bastards have gotten any bigger in my lungs and neck. Personally I could give a shit less because the answer is still the same whether they've grown or not. Blah.

My cancer marker is all over the place as well. One test it's higher and then the next test it's a little lower. Not even that can be normal. haha

While I'm sure this post comes across as depressed I'm actually feeling really sarcastic so if you read it as alot of sarcasm then you've got my mood. I gave up being depressed over this crap awhile ago and now I just get snotty about it. I figure you can either laugh, cry, or just stick your middle finger in the air and say "screw you". I'm more of a "screw you" kinda gal myself how about you?

When You're So Use To...

trying to be funny all the time it's hard figuring out how to post in a whole different way. I can still be funny but now I can be serious and not feel bad about it. It's a little odd for me. Of course, right after I posted "coming out" about cancer on this blog I get sick and don't have a chance to post again for awhile. *snort*

Things have been pretty busy around here over the past week. We're getting ready to start our new homeschool year which means I'm trying to figure out "curriculum" for a high schooler, middle schooler, and a kindergartner. Wheeeee fun! *eyeroll* So far it's not going so well because I can't get Big B to help me figure out what he needs for his final year and Sis doesn't want to do anything at all. Only MonkeyBoy is ready to go and can't wait to start his schoolwork. We have until Monday to get our shit together so we can get started so wish me luck.

One thing that IS going right around here is the work on our backyard. It has gone from a 46x50' square of nothing but sand, ants, and thorns to a pretty yard with a shed, flowers, trees, gravel borders, grass, and a flagstone patio (thank you Craigslist!!!). Hubby has been laughing his ass off at me lately because the roses he bought and planted are blooming like crazy while the container vegetables I planted have not produced a single solitary veggie or fruit. Damn plants!

Once the yard is completely finished I will share pictures of it's awesome loveliness. Okay so I also want to make people drool over how kick ass my backyard looks without having spent a fortune on it. *snicker*

As far as health goes, I'm waiting on a referral to a cancer specialist in St. Louis and once I have that then hopefully I won't have to wait too long for an appointment. On one hand I'm not looking forward to being away from the kids (surprising I know, I must to be fucked in the head!) but on the other hand it will be nice to see my friends who live in St Louis. I haven't actually hung out with a bunch of other women in so long I hope I still remember how.

Geez, when did I become so pathetically uncool? lol

Finally Facing The Facts

As most of my readers know I have metastatic cancer but I'm sure you also know that I've tried very hard to keep that part of my life off this blog. It seems as soon as I told my readers about this part of me I did them and myself the disservice of pretending that it's no big deal and then proceeded to joke my way through the last few years. I now realize that by doing this I'm not facing it but instead pretending it's not there. By making sure most of my medical posts are on Cancer Is The "Easy" Part..., I have been able to make Life With Heathens the place where I am normal and just like everybody else. If I could delegate the cancer and MEN2a to my medical blog then I could pretend it's not there right?

This year though it has gotten harder for me to seperate the two because at times life really is all about the cancer and health issues whether I want it to be or not. So instead of trusting you guys (and myself) to be able to take the whole package I've just not been posting much. For that I apologize to all of us.

There is a mama named Lisa at Clusterfook who is fighting her third battle with cancer. She is facing this newest trial with such grace and she is so inspiring to others of us who are living with cancer. Even faced with the knowledge that the odds are against her this time to beat it, she is fighting with everything she has. This lady and others like her have unknowingly given me a great gift.

That gift is accepting that the cancer and disorder are a part of me, a part that is going to be with me until I die. I've never felt sorry for myself and even when I was diagnosed I really didn't cry much at all. When my oldest two children were diagnosed with MEN2a and cancer then you better believe I cried. It sucked so bad and was so unfair. All the diagnosis' hit us so quickly that all I could think in the midst of it was "What the fuck"!

From now on I will be posting about ALL parts of my life except one and that is my children. I don't mind blogging about them occasionally but I will never be one of those bloggers who talks about their kid's shit or how cute they look wearing mommy's bra on their head. So blogging about my kids will continue the same as it always has. What will change is that I will share the "sick girl" part of my life with you more and not relegate it just to a medical blog.

I have nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't be hiding from my cancer. I shouldn't feel like I have to be funny all the time so people who read this blog won't get bummed out. I can still be my usual sarcastic funny self but it's okay to also admit that sometimes I'm not doing so hot. As someone said earlier, I'm part of an exclusive club. I didn't ask to join it and I will never be happy to see new members come in but I'm proud of the person I've become in the last three years since I was diagnosed. I'm stronger, smarter, a better person, a better mother, and more alive than I've ever been.

So on a brighter note, I have been able to do a little blogsurfing lately and I'd like to share some of these amazing people with you. Most of them probably have no clue I even exist but I know they are out there and that I'm really not the only mom/person dealing with cancer. I hope you will read their blogs and maybe leave them an encouraging comment. Some are new finds while others have been in my blogroll both here and at CITEP.

Hope For Holly

Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down (this woman's HUSBAND also has cancer! Amazing!)

The Assertive Cancer Patient

Clergygirl

Coffee and Chemo

Mom With Over 100 Chemos

Just Enjoy Him

Cancer Is Killing Me...

One Mother With Cancer

Midwestern Mommy

Even The Dentist Is Out To Get Me

Have you ever had the feeling that everyone in the known universe is out to get you? Up until today, I've been thinking that it's mostly just doctors who have it out for me. *nervous laugh* Boy have I been wrong!

Today I had a dental appointment to have molds made of my teeth and I figured that since my top right molar has been hurting me lately, I would ask the dentist if we could have it pulled soon. It just so happens that he was able to do it today so silly me thought it would just be a regular run of the mill tooth pulling. I am happy to say that the tooth came out like a normal tooth and the pain hasn't been all that bad.

No, the bad part happened about two hours ago when I felt something hard moving around in my mouth. Thinking it was part of my tooth coming out, I pulled the object out to find not a tooth but a DRILL BIT!! That's right, the dentist had failed to inform me that at some point he broke the end off of a drill bit in my mouth. Maybe it's just me but I think that's something that should be shared with a patient don't you? Even my husband was shocked and believe me, it takes A LOT to surprise that man!

So tomorrow I get the pleasure of calling the dentist's office and asking them what the hell they were thinking (or not thinking) by not letting me know that there could be a piece of metal floating around in my tooth socket. I'm so fucking sick of incompetant doctors I could honestly scream. *sigh*

I would now like to open comments to anyone else who would like to share their dental horror story for the sake of making ME feel better. Just kidding but I would like to hear your stories in hopes that it's not just me that attracts crap like this.

Great Google-y Moogley!

After checking Statcounter today I couldn't help but post about some of the recent searches people have done thus bringing them to MY blog. Are you ready? Here we go...

1) "how to get friends naked at a party"~ Well I've found that lots of booze and a nice game of Nakey Twister gets things going.

2) "girls talking about getting naked with friends"~ Okay, typical male there. FYI, usually when "girls" talk about getting naked with friends it's because they are trying on clothes at the mall or just comfortable to go in the buff. It's not half as kinky as you wish.

3) "naked friends"~ Yes dear Googler, some people have naked friends. Good job Einstein!

4) "revenge i have the cell phone number address driver license info"~ Wow, someone is obsessing aren't they? I'm all for going after someone who has done you wrong (which is blatantly apparent if you read my deadbeat posts here on the blog or visit my MySpace page) but go slow there tiger. If you have that info for constructive reasons like to get say child support or such then go for it but doing it for out and out senseless revenge makes you bordering on stalking sweety. Get a hobby mmmkay?

5) "real naked massages"~ Most full body massages DO have you get naked genius but I'm afraid they won't play with your wittle peepee as part of it. Ask the guys at the local truckstop where to get one of the "me so horny" kinds of massages.

6) "why does joanne have to be such a bitch?!"~ Well, maybe Joanne was just born a bitch and can't help herself. Maybe entering a program like Bitches Anonymous will help Joanne stop being such a bitch. Does Joanne think she's a bitch? Maybe YOU are the bitch. Think about it my friend...

Is anyone else seeing a theme going on here? *snort*

7) "hot nakey"~ Hot nakey what?? Great, now I'm left wondering what the hell they wanted hot nakey of! DAMN YOUUUUU!!!

8) "kirk coiner"~ The searches for this one have come from several states. Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm

9) "how to get woman naked in hot tub"~ Please see Google search number 1. Here's a thought though, why don't you just ask her if she'll strip for the hot tub? *shrugging shoulders*

and last but not least...

10) "doing house chores naked video"~ Yeah, I'm not touching that one with a 20 foot poll. Some people have issues even I can't explain. *wink*